The meaning of marriage

There's been a lot of public discussion about marriage in recent months, particularly with the first gay marriages taking place in March this year. I was surprised at the support for same-sex marriage coming from prominent figures within the 'evangelical' wing of the church. It made me think, how important is this? Is this of primary importance, or is it another 'secondary' issue in Christian circles which wrongly threatens to be divisive?

What becomes very clear the more you look into this, is that the issue of gay marriage can't be separated from your fundamental viewpoint on men and women; what our gender actually means. If you're looking at the Bible's teaching on marriage, you find yourself forced to also look at what it says about men, women and their roles - because the various relevant passages address both of these key areas.

Before we can rightly understand what God created marriage to be, we have to rightly understand how God created humanity as male and female.

I'm coming here from a complementarian perspective: that men and women are equally created in God's image (see Gen 1:26-27) but have different roles. Men are given authority and women are called to submit to this authority, under the ultimate lordship of Christ. This seems clear from the following passages:
Genesis 2
- Adam is created first (see also 1 Cor 11:8 and 1 Tim 2:13)
- Adam is given the instruction not to eat the fruit (he has an implicit responsibility to instruct Eve once she is created)
- Eve is created to be a helper (see also 1 Cor 11:9-10)
- Adam names Eve, implying his authority over her.

Genesis 3
- Eve sinned first, but God seeks out Adam and holds him responsible. (See also Rom 5:12, 1 Cor 15:22)
- Male/female relationships are affected by sin in that women desire to usurp the authority given to man in creation, leading to man ruling over woman, sometimes in wrongfully abusive ways.

Ephesians 5
- Jesus' coming hasn't changed God's created hierarchy of male leadership. In fact, Paul teaches here that when functioning in complementarian roles, marriage is in fact a beautiful picture of Jesus' relationship with the church.

(There are other passages too and I recommend this summary of complementarianism if you want to read more).

The point is, same-sex marriage doesn't work from a biblical perspective, because men and women have very different roles in marriage. Even if you ignore the Bible's teaching on homosexuality (which is pretty clear in its condemnation of physically acting upon same-sex desire - see Leviticus 18:21-22, Lev 20:13, Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Tim 1:8-10), you can't take marriage and apply it to same-sex couples and argue that if they are faithful to each other, it is pleasing in God's sight for them to be 'married'. Two women or two men together cannot reflect the mystery of Christ and the church, or fully represent what God intended when He created marriage.

Is this just a secondary issue? More and more I'm thinking it isn't. Because it's only a short step from saying that you think women have equal authority to men, to arguing away all the God-given differences between men and women. Then what you're left with is no biblical picture of what it means to be a man or a woman. And in that context, of course same-sex marriage would be ok. It would function exactly the same as a heterosexual union: two people with no difference in their roles.

It's not a popular teaching, and increasingly it's probably going to become illegal to say things like this. But if you want to honour God first, you have to look at the Bible and try to strip away all the attitudes you've picked up, knowingly or unknowingly, from the world around you. If we come to the Bible with the viewpoint that being equal, as women, to men means that we have to be able to do all the same things as men, then we're not going to like what it says! Or we'll re-interpret, re-translate it so that we don't take it seriously, and in fact twist it to say what we want it to say. I've been really challenged by the True Woman manifesto, a document compiled in 2008 which thousands of Christian women have been signing up to pledge their willingness to listen not to our culture, but to what the Bible says about what it means to be a true, godly woman. There's a lot of key passages referenced in it and it's well worth a look! I want to be characterised by humility and willingness to yield, not so-called female 'diva' power that is all about grabbing what I deserve and claiming my 'rights' as a woman.