I've met a lot of people with estrangements in their family, a relative they haven't spoken to for years. Some almost seem proud of it. And I'm no stranger to having that kind of situation. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and since he remarried, I've hardly seen my Dad despite him living a short drive away. It's a situation with a lot of hurt. But time and again, when I've been tempted to stop bothering to send cards for birthdays and Christmas or other occasions, when I've been tempted to be indifferent and stop caring, God has done something to show me that I have to keep loving, and keep forgiving.
For many years I have prayed about being able to forgive my Dad. And there's times when I feel it's fine; I do forgive him. But there's also times when the deep, deep hurt is dragged up again. It still makes me cry. And I think, have I really forgiven? I have to keep taking it back to God, to my heavenly Father, again and again.
I was struck by an article on Revive our Hearts today about this very issue. The speaker had a similarly estranged relationship with her father. He didn't ask her for forgiveness, but she knew she had to forgive him anyway. She mentioned 1 Corinthians 13: love 'keeps no record of wrongs... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.' (NIV) In the ESV it says 'Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' (v7) To show the kind of love God has shown us towards others will require this kind of faith and perseverance, even with people who have deeply hurt us and are difficult to love. Whenever I think I may as well give up on my relationship with my Dad, this verse encourages me to keep going, to keep loving, because this will glorify my heavenly Father. As Ney Bailey says, 'we're most like Christ when we're forgiving.'
Ultimately I have to get the right perspective. Too often I feel it is my 'right' to have a certain kind of earthly father; the reality is that I have a heavenly One who is perfect. No one has a perfect earthly dad. And I have been very blessed in that my step-dad has always been a father to me; his family have always loved me and accepted me; God has more than compensated for this one breached relationship in my family by providing me with so many other loving people in my life. And I have to have faith when I pray for my Dad that God can still save him and still restore our relationship; He is the God of reconciliation.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Saturday, December 6, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
Some thoughts on Titus 2 - priorities
'Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.' Titus 2:3-5
I've been working through Carolyn Mahaney's 'Feminine Appeal' and the series 'God's beautiful design for women' on Revive our Hearts, because I've been feeling really convicted lately that I haven't got my priorities right. Having just had a new baby, it's a good time to re-evaluate where I am in my life, and whether I am doing the things God has called me to do, or getting distracted with other things that don't really matter.
You can't ignore from these verses in Titus that, as women, our priorities have to be focused around loving God and loving our families. Home has to be a priority, whether we work outside of it or not. I've been struck by some of this teaching that the home was created by God, and in society today the home is falling apart. It's because we've got our priorities wrong and we've believed the lie that we need a successful career and a good salary to be fulfilled. Our culture tells us that being in the home is not as valuable as making a financial contribution to the family outside of it, so too often we are sacrificing our family life in favour of earning more money. I'm not saying all women should be stay-at-home mums with no outside jobs because I really enjoy my job! But I do think it's easy for my job to take the first and best of me, and my home and family to get whatever is left over of my time and energy.
It's not about making our homes an idol, a beautiful magazine-type place #CathKidston etc. We want to make our homes somewhere we belong, somewhere orderly, a place we want to return to, a space where we talk and grow together as a family, a place which draws in those that we love and outsiders to know and love God better. This can only happen through the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. The gospel has transformed our lives, and as we seek to obey God by doing the things we are told to do in Titus 2 (love our husband and children, be self-controlled, pure and kind, working at home and being submissive to our husband), this shows the world how amazing the gospel is.
The heart attitude with which we serve -doing chores, cooking meals, cleaning and so on- is absolutely crucial, because we are called to be kind. This passage in Titus calls us to be selfless women, Christ-centred and other-person-centred, like Dorcas in Acts 9. Kindness of heart will not make menial tasks glamorous, but it will lift the load and make them an act of real love and worship.
The emphasis in Titus on self control shows the importance of having a sound mind too. We can't do any of these things without disciplining our minds to put the brakes on to unsound thinking and behaviour. Nancy Leigh de Moss's portraits of a sophron woman (sound) and non-sophron woman are really convicting. For myself, I need to beware of the following things:
- being easily discontented, having the mindset 'I deserve better'
- being easily provoked
- being highly opinionated and always seeking to have the last word
- being overly concerned about what other people think.
We need sound doctrine in our minds and lived out in our daily behaviour. After all, the way you live reveals what you actually believe.
Our lives are to reflect the beauty, the balance, the stability that the gospel brings to a mind, a life and a home. The goal for us as women is to know what really matters, to have right priorities, and to be content with what we have. We are to live lives of purpose and intentionality, service, and giving and blessing others. This is spiritual maturity.
I've been working through Carolyn Mahaney's 'Feminine Appeal' and the series 'God's beautiful design for women' on Revive our Hearts, because I've been feeling really convicted lately that I haven't got my priorities right. Having just had a new baby, it's a good time to re-evaluate where I am in my life, and whether I am doing the things God has called me to do, or getting distracted with other things that don't really matter.
You can't ignore from these verses in Titus that, as women, our priorities have to be focused around loving God and loving our families. Home has to be a priority, whether we work outside of it or not. I've been struck by some of this teaching that the home was created by God, and in society today the home is falling apart. It's because we've got our priorities wrong and we've believed the lie that we need a successful career and a good salary to be fulfilled. Our culture tells us that being in the home is not as valuable as making a financial contribution to the family outside of it, so too often we are sacrificing our family life in favour of earning more money. I'm not saying all women should be stay-at-home mums with no outside jobs because I really enjoy my job! But I do think it's easy for my job to take the first and best of me, and my home and family to get whatever is left over of my time and energy.
It's not about making our homes an idol, a beautiful magazine-type place #CathKidston etc. We want to make our homes somewhere we belong, somewhere orderly, a place we want to return to, a space where we talk and grow together as a family, a place which draws in those that we love and outsiders to know and love God better. This can only happen through the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. The gospel has transformed our lives, and as we seek to obey God by doing the things we are told to do in Titus 2 (love our husband and children, be self-controlled, pure and kind, working at home and being submissive to our husband), this shows the world how amazing the gospel is.
The heart attitude with which we serve -doing chores, cooking meals, cleaning and so on- is absolutely crucial, because we are called to be kind. This passage in Titus calls us to be selfless women, Christ-centred and other-person-centred, like Dorcas in Acts 9. Kindness of heart will not make menial tasks glamorous, but it will lift the load and make them an act of real love and worship.
The emphasis in Titus on self control shows the importance of having a sound mind too. We can't do any of these things without disciplining our minds to put the brakes on to unsound thinking and behaviour. Nancy Leigh de Moss's portraits of a sophron woman (sound) and non-sophron woman are really convicting. For myself, I need to beware of the following things:
- being easily discontented, having the mindset 'I deserve better'
- being easily provoked
- being highly opinionated and always seeking to have the last word
- being overly concerned about what other people think.
We need sound doctrine in our minds and lived out in our daily behaviour. After all, the way you live reveals what you actually believe.
Our lives are to reflect the beauty, the balance, the stability that the gospel brings to a mind, a life and a home. The goal for us as women is to know what really matters, to have right priorities, and to be content with what we have. We are to live lives of purpose and intentionality, service, and giving and blessing others. This is spiritual maturity.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Lessons from Psalms #6 - A family that follows the Lord
There are some beautiful pictures in the Psalms of what it means to just love God and build a home around serving Him as a family.
Psalm 127 opens with 'Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it'. We do spend most of our lives creating our own home and family, but we have to recognise that everything we have comes from God. Our children are 'a heritage of the Lord' (v3), not one of our achievements. The question the Psalms often seem to ask is: what are you doing with the gifts God has given you?
Psalm 128 gives a picture of gospel prosperity (not prosperity gospel!!). 'Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours.' (v1-2) It's a principle, rather than a promise, that those who love God will live a life of blessing, though not one free of suffering. It's interesting that the picture of the godly family and their blessing is not one of isolation, but one that is part of the community of God's people: 'May the Lord bless you from Zion; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.' (v5) We're not meant to hide away trying to create the perfect home and family; we're meant to live out the gospel in community together, teaching our children by practical example of what it means to love God and others.
Psalm 1 is often described as the key to the Psalms, and the message is clear: following the Lord brings true joy and prosperity, whereas wickedness leads to judgement and destruction. I love the picture in verse 3 that the righteous person is 'like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither'. I've planted some trees in my garden recently and I was told that the main reason young trees die is lack of water. I am constantly amazed that I can pour basinfuls of washing up water on those trees and they soak it all up and seem thirsty for more! Good job I live in Wales where it rains all the time. But it made the picture in the Psalms more real to me, that if a tree is planted by streams of water, it never dies, because it always has replenishment. If we are truly going to live righteous lives and build godly families, we will constantly need refreshing from the Lord to do that. We will be constantly giving to others, so we need to be finding our nourishment in God. We can't follow God's ways and be good parents without completely relying on His strength and power. Ask God to bless your home and family, and then be prepared to obey Him.
Psalm 127 opens with 'Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it'. We do spend most of our lives creating our own home and family, but we have to recognise that everything we have comes from God. Our children are 'a heritage of the Lord' (v3), not one of our achievements. The question the Psalms often seem to ask is: what are you doing with the gifts God has given you?
Psalm 128 gives a picture of gospel prosperity (not prosperity gospel!!). 'Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in obedience to him. You will eat the fruit of your labour; blessings and prosperity will be yours.' (v1-2) It's a principle, rather than a promise, that those who love God will live a life of blessing, though not one free of suffering. It's interesting that the picture of the godly family and their blessing is not one of isolation, but one that is part of the community of God's people: 'May the Lord bless you from Zion; may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.' (v5) We're not meant to hide away trying to create the perfect home and family; we're meant to live out the gospel in community together, teaching our children by practical example of what it means to love God and others.
Psalm 1 is often described as the key to the Psalms, and the message is clear: following the Lord brings true joy and prosperity, whereas wickedness leads to judgement and destruction. I love the picture in verse 3 that the righteous person is 'like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither'. I've planted some trees in my garden recently and I was told that the main reason young trees die is lack of water. I am constantly amazed that I can pour basinfuls of washing up water on those trees and they soak it all up and seem thirsty for more! Good job I live in Wales where it rains all the time. But it made the picture in the Psalms more real to me, that if a tree is planted by streams of water, it never dies, because it always has replenishment. If we are truly going to live righteous lives and build godly families, we will constantly need refreshing from the Lord to do that. We will be constantly giving to others, so we need to be finding our nourishment in God. We can't follow God's ways and be good parents without completely relying on His strength and power. Ask God to bless your home and family, and then be prepared to obey Him.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Worship #4
Why do you think the writers of the New Testament generally avoid using the terminology of worship to describe what Christians do when they gather together?
At the heart of the matter, the New Testament writers want to show that worship is all of life, not just in one place or at one time. It is no longer something connected with set feasts or set places or set priests. It is for all the people of God at all times and places (Carson).
Mark Strom writes: 'The temple, priesthood, sacrifices and kingship could no longer serve as Israel's focal point. At best, they had been symbols of great truths about the Lord and His ways; at worst, they had distracted the people's attention from the One who stood behind the symbols. But now, in Jesus, the perfection, reality and person behind the symbols had appeared'.
Jesus replaced the set place (the temple) and the set priests with Himself- He became the sacrifice and the sacrifice-offerer. He became the way which humans can approach God. And after His ascension He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell in all those who call on His Name. In this way all Christians become a temple (1 Cor 3:16).
Therefore, for the NT writers to refer to Christian gatherings as worship would perhaps mislead people, particularly those of a Jewish background, to believe that the way we approach God is through ritual and only in a certain place at a certain time. In another sense, that approach to worship fails to recognise that true worship manifests itself in all of our living, 24/7. As Carson points out, we worship in both adoration and action.
'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess His Name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.' Heb 13:15-16
Therefore, the NT writers use the word 'ekklesia' for church, which 'inherited the meaning of Israel's great assemblies without any of the "religious" connotations of worship, priests or rituals. The churches were simply God's people meeting together in homes to encourage each other in the gospel... Thus the word was tailor-made for conveying the simplicity and people-centredness which the New Testament wanted to emphasise.' (Strom)
'Ekklesia' could be translated as 'a regular assembly of citizens' (Banks) and in this way, Paul looked forward to a great assembly at the Lord's return (1 Thess 4:15-17) and wrote that all Christians are citizens of heaven (Phil 3:19-20).
Banks writes that 'each of the various local churches are tangible expressions of the heavenly church, manifestations in time and space of that which is essentially eternal and infinite in character.'
'Ekklesia' comprehensively encapsulates several key concepts about the Christian church:
1. It is a universal fraterntiy (voluntary association)
2. It is a place like a household unit where personal identity and intimacy can be found
3. It provides both community and immortality (Strom)
This is why the images for the church used in the New Testament (Body, Household, Building) moved away from traditional terminology (which had strong cultic connotations) and emphasised the church as God's people meeting together as a family, united in Christ.
At the heart of the matter, the New Testament writers want to show that worship is all of life, not just in one place or at one time. It is no longer something connected with set feasts or set places or set priests. It is for all the people of God at all times and places (Carson).
Mark Strom writes: 'The temple, priesthood, sacrifices and kingship could no longer serve as Israel's focal point. At best, they had been symbols of great truths about the Lord and His ways; at worst, they had distracted the people's attention from the One who stood behind the symbols. But now, in Jesus, the perfection, reality and person behind the symbols had appeared'.
Jesus replaced the set place (the temple) and the set priests with Himself- He became the sacrifice and the sacrifice-offerer. He became the way which humans can approach God. And after His ascension He sent the Holy Spirit to dwell in all those who call on His Name. In this way all Christians become a temple (1 Cor 3:16).
Therefore, for the NT writers to refer to Christian gatherings as worship would perhaps mislead people, particularly those of a Jewish background, to believe that the way we approach God is through ritual and only in a certain place at a certain time. In another sense, that approach to worship fails to recognise that true worship manifests itself in all of our living, 24/7. As Carson points out, we worship in both adoration and action.
'Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess His Name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.' Heb 13:15-16
Therefore, the NT writers use the word 'ekklesia' for church, which 'inherited the meaning of Israel's great assemblies without any of the "religious" connotations of worship, priests or rituals. The churches were simply God's people meeting together in homes to encourage each other in the gospel... Thus the word was tailor-made for conveying the simplicity and people-centredness which the New Testament wanted to emphasise.' (Strom)
'Ekklesia' could be translated as 'a regular assembly of citizens' (Banks) and in this way, Paul looked forward to a great assembly at the Lord's return (1 Thess 4:15-17) and wrote that all Christians are citizens of heaven (Phil 3:19-20).
Banks writes that 'each of the various local churches are tangible expressions of the heavenly church, manifestations in time and space of that which is essentially eternal and infinite in character.'
'Ekklesia' comprehensively encapsulates several key concepts about the Christian church:
1. It is a universal fraterntiy (voluntary association)
2. It is a place like a household unit where personal identity and intimacy can be found
3. It provides both community and immortality (Strom)
This is why the images for the church used in the New Testament (Body, Household, Building) moved away from traditional terminology (which had strong cultic connotations) and emphasised the church as God's people meeting together as a family, united in Christ.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
17 Again
All I can say is: Wow!
I dragged my husband along to see 17 Again, the new film with Zac Efron (High School Musical) and Matthew Perry, not particularly expecting anything amazing. It was awesome! Not only was it hysterically funny, but it had a brilliant message.
Most films which involve time-travel or transformations centre around the protagonist going back to change the course of history, to improve his life for the better. Back to the Future is the classic example. 17 Again opens with a scene from 1989: a basketball game that could give Mike O'Donnell a college scholarship. His girlfriend tells him that she is pregnant, and he leaves the basketball court to run after her. He marries her, and then 17 years later their marriage is on the rocks, because he has resented her for the way his life has turned out. I felt apprehensive that this film was going to chart the breakdown of a marriage, or worse, a fairy-tale change of history. I was wrong!
This film is really about Mike's realisation that his decisions were not wrong; the way he dealt with them was the problem. The film is about how he faces up to his responsibilities and realises what he has in his wife and children. Not only does it promote saving marriages, but it also promotes saving sex for marriage. I was impressed!
I thoroughly recommend this film. It is thoughtful and has something relevant to say about family life in today's world. With increasingly depressing statistics about marriage and families (in The Daily Telegraph today they quote the Office for National Statistics' figures that more under-25s give birth than get married, and an average marriage lasts 11 years), it is great to see a film affirming the importance of not taking your relationships for granted, and working at them. Going through a wedding ceremony does not make a marriage; giving birth to a child does not make a successful parent-child relationship. We need to stop kidding ourselves that these things happen 'naturally'.
The Bible tells us frankly that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If we spend all our efforts on our career or 'me-time', we are not going to enjoy close marriages or really know our children. How refreshing to be reminded by a secular film that people matter more than getting your own way, or getting more stuff.
I dragged my husband along to see 17 Again, the new film with Zac Efron (High School Musical) and Matthew Perry, not particularly expecting anything amazing. It was awesome! Not only was it hysterically funny, but it had a brilliant message.
Most films which involve time-travel or transformations centre around the protagonist going back to change the course of history, to improve his life for the better. Back to the Future is the classic example. 17 Again opens with a scene from 1989: a basketball game that could give Mike O'Donnell a college scholarship. His girlfriend tells him that she is pregnant, and he leaves the basketball court to run after her. He marries her, and then 17 years later their marriage is on the rocks, because he has resented her for the way his life has turned out. I felt apprehensive that this film was going to chart the breakdown of a marriage, or worse, a fairy-tale change of history. I was wrong!
This film is really about Mike's realisation that his decisions were not wrong; the way he dealt with them was the problem. The film is about how he faces up to his responsibilities and realises what he has in his wife and children. Not only does it promote saving marriages, but it also promotes saving sex for marriage. I was impressed!
I thoroughly recommend this film. It is thoughtful and has something relevant to say about family life in today's world. With increasingly depressing statistics about marriage and families (in The Daily Telegraph today they quote the Office for National Statistics' figures that more under-25s give birth than get married, and an average marriage lasts 11 years), it is great to see a film affirming the importance of not taking your relationships for granted, and working at them. Going through a wedding ceremony does not make a marriage; giving birth to a child does not make a successful parent-child relationship. We need to stop kidding ourselves that these things happen 'naturally'.
The Bible tells us frankly that we reap what we sow (Galatians 6:7). If we spend all our efforts on our career or 'me-time', we are not going to enjoy close marriages or really know our children. How refreshing to be reminded by a secular film that people matter more than getting your own way, or getting more stuff.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Dad at 13- how should Christians respond?
The papers this week (particularly 'The Sun') have been scandalised by Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old boy whose girlfriend conceived when he was just 12 years old.
The incident is said to highlight 'Broken Britain' and the deterioration of society- and certainly it is terrifying to see such a youthful face look down upon a baby as his own child. It all seems so wrong.
And it is. There is no doubt that it is completely inappropriate for a 12 year old boy to be sexually active. But this highlights a bigger issue- that the main message of sex education in schools is that using contraception means you can have "safe sex". Sex ed therefore implies that whilst sex without protection is foolish, sex with condoms is fine, and even a natural part of adolescence.
As Christians we need to stand up against this message. No sex outside marriage is "safe", because it involves a deep emotional commitment to someone. If this commitment is broken (ie. you break up) you can be physically, emotionally and psychologically scarred. Or worse, desensitised to the beautiful expression of long-lasting love that God created sex to be.
'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24)
Note that the physical union of sex only occurs AFTER the couple have made a public declaration in marriage of total commitment to each other for life.
An unexpected ray of sunshine in this sad story came from Norman Wells, the director of the charity Family and Youth Concern, quoted in 'The Times' as saying:
'We need to challenge the common perception of sex as a casual recreational activity and present it rather as an expression of the total self-giving of a husband and wife to each other in marriage.'
This is not even a Christian organisation! We as Christians need to stop being worried about being counter-cultural and how the world will respond to us. Instead we need to passionately believe that God's way is the best way, not just for us but for everyone.
The incident is said to highlight 'Broken Britain' and the deterioration of society- and certainly it is terrifying to see such a youthful face look down upon a baby as his own child. It all seems so wrong.
And it is. There is no doubt that it is completely inappropriate for a 12 year old boy to be sexually active. But this highlights a bigger issue- that the main message of sex education in schools is that using contraception means you can have "safe sex". Sex ed therefore implies that whilst sex without protection is foolish, sex with condoms is fine, and even a natural part of adolescence.
As Christians we need to stand up against this message. No sex outside marriage is "safe", because it involves a deep emotional commitment to someone. If this commitment is broken (ie. you break up) you can be physically, emotionally and psychologically scarred. Or worse, desensitised to the beautiful expression of long-lasting love that God created sex to be.
'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24)
Note that the physical union of sex only occurs AFTER the couple have made a public declaration in marriage of total commitment to each other for life.
An unexpected ray of sunshine in this sad story came from Norman Wells, the director of the charity Family and Youth Concern, quoted in 'The Times' as saying:
'We need to challenge the common perception of sex as a casual recreational activity and present it rather as an expression of the total self-giving of a husband and wife to each other in marriage.'
This is not even a Christian organisation! We as Christians need to stop being worried about being counter-cultural and how the world will respond to us. Instead we need to passionately believe that God's way is the best way, not just for us but for everyone.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Family Problems
Lessons from David- 2 Samuel 13-15
When David sinned with Bathsheba, God said 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you.' (2 Sam 2:11) In this section of the story we see this calamity begin.
Firstly, David's son rapes his virgin half-sister in brutal lust, discarding her straight afterwards. David does nothing, despite his anger. Absalom takes matters into his own ands, and acts in a violent and deceitful way. He is then exiled, and it takes Joab's manoeverings of a 'wise woman' to bring David to a realisation that he damages his family and the nation by the course of action.
David calls for Absalom to return, but does not allow him back into the court. This spurs him on to start a conspiracy to take over the throne. David has to flee Jerusalem in order to rally support, and the whole situation escalates.
David himself seems humble enough to let God do His will, without trying to use the ark of the covenant as a talisman for himself (25). 'Let Him do to me whatever seems good to Him' (26). But once more, David is in a position where he is threatened and in much misery (31). Whilst this is obviously being used by God to further hone and refine his character, David needs to become aware of how important his parenting is.
Parents have such a hard job! They ought to instruct their children in God's ways, whilst still loving and forgiving their children when they make mistakes.
If a situation of sin arises and isn't dealt with, terrible consequences can ensue.
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