Some thoughts on Titus 2 - priorities

'Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.' Titus 2:3-5

I've been working through Carolyn Mahaney's 'Feminine Appeal' and the series 'God's beautiful design for women' on Revive our Hearts, because I've been feeling really convicted lately that I haven't got my priorities right. Having just had a new baby, it's a good time to re-evaluate where I am in my life, and whether I am doing the things God has called me to do, or getting distracted with other things that don't really matter.

You can't ignore from these verses in Titus that, as women, our priorities have to be focused around loving God and loving our families. Home has to be a priority, whether we work outside of it or not. I've been struck by some of this teaching that the home was created by God, and in society today the home is falling apart. It's because we've got our priorities wrong and we've believed the lie that we need a successful career and a good salary to be fulfilled. Our culture tells us that being in the home is not as valuable as making a financial contribution to the family outside of it, so too often we are sacrificing our family life in favour of earning more money. I'm not saying all women should be stay-at-home mums with no outside jobs because I really enjoy my job! But I do think it's easy for my job to take the first and best of me, and my home and family to get whatever is left over of my time and energy.

It's not about making our homes an idol, a beautiful magazine-type place #CathKidston etc. We want to make our homes somewhere we belong, somewhere orderly, a place we want to return to, a space where we talk and grow together as a family, a place which draws in those that we love and outsiders to know and love God better. This can only happen through the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit. The gospel has transformed our lives, and as we seek to obey God by doing the things we are told to do in Titus 2 (love our husband and children, be self-controlled, pure and kind, working at home and being submissive to our husband), this shows the world how amazing the gospel is.

The heart attitude with which we serve -doing chores, cooking meals, cleaning and so on- is absolutely crucial, because we are called to be kind. This passage in Titus calls us to be selfless women, Christ-centred and other-person-centred, like Dorcas in Acts 9. Kindness of heart will not make menial tasks glamorous, but it will lift the load and make them an act of real love and worship.

The emphasis in Titus on self control shows the importance of having a sound mind too. We can't do any of these things without disciplining our minds to put the brakes on to unsound thinking and behaviour. Nancy Leigh de Moss's portraits of a sophron woman (sound) and non-sophron woman are really convicting. For myself, I need to beware of the following things:
- being easily discontented, having the mindset 'I deserve better'
- being easily provoked
- being highly opinionated and always seeking to have the last word
- being overly concerned about what other people think.

We need sound doctrine in our minds and lived out in our daily behaviour. After all, the way you live reveals what you actually believe.

Our lives are to reflect the beauty, the balance, the stability that the gospel brings to a mind, a life and a home. The goal for us as women is to know what really matters, to have right priorities, and to be content with what we have. We are to live lives of purpose and intentionality, service, and giving and blessing others. This is spiritual maturity.

The death of the rom-com

Have you noticed recently that the traditional rom-com has gone completely out of fashion? In the last few months there has been an arid desert of no 'You've Got Mail's or 'Ever After's in the cinema. Instead there have been 'chick flicks' focusing upon women getting what they want. Example: 'Bride Wars'. Ostensibly a film about marriage (another unusual concept in modern films), this comedy is actually about two women who come to an age where they want to get married, and set about the business of planning their weddings to fulfil their life-long dream of a reception at the Plaza. The men have a very small part to play in the film, and I was pleasantly surprised at how the plot subtly questions the idea of women reaching a certain age where marriage seems like the next step to take... regardless of who you happen to be dating at the time.

The elements of romance in a film -even for a target female audience- have been sidelined as our culture has moved away from seeking total fulfilment in relationships. Now we idolise career instead. At the youth club we run for 11-13 year olds, I was really surprised when we held a DVD night and a boy brought 'Step Up 2'. I thought this was a really girly film (having seen it in the cinema), but actually the guys loved the cool dancing, and as we watched it I realised that the romantic storyline really takes a backseat to the tough-girl-turns-into-fantastic-dancer scenario.

As a teacher, it seems to me that young people often have totally unrealistic expectations for how their lives will turn out and what career they will pursue, and films like 'Step Up 2' are a classic example of why this is the case. Films often show success stories without much hard graft. In this dance film, you watch a few clips of rehearsals and then suddenly a group are performing an amazingly polished routine. Kids often don't make the link between working hard at school, and getting good jobs, because this is simply too boring for films to make a good story from.

As a Christian then, how do I respond to the messages of these films? I think it's good that we're moving away from the idea that marriage is THE only ultimate goal for a woman in life, but I don't think the answer is to suggest that women need to relentlessly pursue a career in order to be a success. Nor is it healthy to suggest that you can land the job of your dreams with little effort.

But the crux of the matter is this: where do you find meaning for your life? Whether it's in relationships, or your job, or your hobby, you can never find full satisfaction. Only through knowing God can your soul find rest, and then all these other things fall into place.

'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all [the things you need] will be given to you as well.' Matthew 6:33