Family Problems

Lessons from David- 2 Samuel 13-15

When David sinned with Bathsheba, God said 'Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity upon you.' (2 Sam 2:11) In this section of the story we see this calamity begin.

Firstly, David's son rapes his virgin half-sister in brutal lust, discarding her straight afterwards. David does nothing, despite his anger. Absalom takes matters into his own ands, and acts in a violent and deceitful way. He is then exiled, and it takes Joab's manoeverings of a 'wise woman' to bring David to a realisation that he damages his family and the nation by the course of action.

David calls for Absalom to return, but does not allow him back into the court. This spurs him on to start a conspiracy to take over the throne. David has to flee Jerusalem in order to rally support, and the whole situation escalates.

David himself seems humble enough to let God do His will, without trying to use the ark of the covenant as a talisman for himself (25). 'Let Him do to me whatever seems good to Him' (26). But once more, David is in a position where he is threatened and in much misery (31). Whilst this is obviously being used by God to further hone and refine his character, David needs to become aware of how important his parenting is.

Parents have such a hard job! They ought to instruct their children in God's ways, whilst still loving and forgiving their children when they make mistakes.

If a situation of sin arises and isn't dealt with, terrible consequences can ensue.

How can I change my feelings?

I've been posting recently about relationships. I know this is a really tough area of life for many Christians (I certainly found it so, before I got married). I thought I'd use this post to deal with the whole issue of Christians falling in love with non-Christians. I know what it's like, because I've done it myself, but the way I dealt with it was pretty rubbish. I'd love to encourage you not to make the same mistakes.

So, the situation could be that you're a Christian, you're at school or at work, surrounded by non-Christians. At your church, there's a lack of people your own age of the opposite sex. In your daily environment, you're developing friendships with people naturally, through spending time with them, and gradually you notice yourself feeling something more than friendship for one of the guys/girls you know.

What do you do?

Well in practice there's several options:
1. You let things develop and you go out with this person.
2. You sit on the fence, telling the person that you can't go out with them, but you don't make any effort to avoid them or end the friendship. Things kind of hang around in the air uncomfortably- and something might happen.
3. You back off.

What are the consequences of these various courses of action?
With (1), you could end up marrying them, or break up with them. Neither of these options are very desirable. With marrying them, you might have 'followed your heart' but you won't have treasured Christ above the relationship. Your faith will probably suffer. By breaking up with them, it'll probably be really difficult and you'll both feel hurt and unhappy. During the relationship, you could also have made mistakes and gone too far. That's an added pain.

With (2), your witness as a Christian is not going to be that of a shining star (see Philippians 2:15). You run the risk of being flirtatious and leading someone on, which is cruel and unfair, and also of something happening unexpectedly due to the build-up of tension. If you've decided not to go out with someone, you need to make it clear by following through with your conduct... and this involves backing off.

With (3), it's definitely not going to be easy. You have to go against your feelings, and there may be some awkwardness with friendship groups and where you hang out etc. But (3) is the best option if you want to put Jesus first. (3) is the only option which makes it clear to the other person that you've made a decision that you're going to stick by. (3) is the only option in which people can see that Jesus means more to you than anything else... even your feelings. (3) is an option where God will be faithful, and help you through the pain and difficulty, because you're doing it to honour Him.

If you do choose (3), I strongly recommend that you get someone on board to help you. Find a trustworthy person at church, tell them about the situation, and ask them to pray for you. With their help and encouragement, you can get through it.

And believe it or not, you will find that your feelings follow your decision. It may take a while, but this is not the only area of life in which you shouldn't let your feelings dictate your actions. The Christian life is not based around feelings! It's about BEING something... being saved by grace... being loved by God. Our feelings take a while to catch up with those realities.

How to fix your greatest problem (Eph 2)

What is your big problem in your life right now? Perhaps it's money, given the recent financial climate of the credit crunch. Perhaps it's your job, or your relationship, or a long-term illness.

We live in a world where there are lots of problems. People everywhere are suffering, whether it's being a civilian in Georgia attacked by Russian troops, or a patient on the cancer ward. Many may look at the title of my blog 'Treasuring Christ' and think how irrelevant it is to their lives. But all the problems that we experience here on earth are symptoms of an even bigger problem...


The bad news
Every single person on earth has a debilitating condition. It makes you a slave, and it makes you unable to live a life of complete satisfaction and joy. It's called 'sin'.

Ephesians 2 opens with the verse 'As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins'. What does it mean?

Well, a 'sin' or a 'transgression' is something that offends God. Such as... Ignoring Him. Rejecting Him. Deciding to live life your own way, without Him. Thinking He's nice, but not worth getting to know too well. Not worth giving up any time for, and not worth giving up certain aspects of your lifestyle for either.
You see, when we think of sin, we often think of murder, theft... And yes those things are sins. But they are outworkings of inner distortion and corruption. Sin is not just outward actions, but it is evil thoughts too. That's why no one can honestly stand up and say they have never sinned.

So what is the effect of sin? Death. Physically, all humans must die. Our mortality is the result of original sin in Eden (see Gen 3). Spiritually, sin cuts us off from God. He is holy and pure, and therefore a huge chasm lies between us and Him. We are spiritually dead before God, and there's nothing we can do about it.

You see, what the world calls freedom- choosing YOUR way to live- is in fact slavery to our own desires, and bondage (imprisonment) to sin and the Devil. What the world defines as a good life, the Bible tells us straight as it really is: being an object of God's wrath (3).

That is our greatest problem, whoever we are, whatever we've done. We're all sinners, and we're all separated from God for ever. Unless...

The good news
Unless it is possible to made alive again...
Unless the chasm can be crossed...
Unless there is a way for us to access God...
And there is.

'But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions— it is by grace you have been saved.' (4-5)

'you were separate from Christ... without hope and without God in the world. [But now Christ] has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility... through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.' (12, 14, 18)

We were dead- unable to move, unable to do anything to help ourselves. But God in pure grace, gave us life and forgiveness in Jesus. We did not deserve it; God did not have to do it, but He did- because of His great love for us. He sent Jesus to die on the cross, and in His body He took the punishment that should have been ours. He was a substitute, taking our place, so that if we choose to trust in Him, we don't need to be burdened with our sin anymore. We can nail our sin to His cross, and be freed from its power over us. We can receive God's forgiveness, and know Him personally, because Christ has made it possible for us to access Him. We have been rescued from slavery, saved from destruction, and shown mercy instead of righteous judgement- if we believe and trust in Jesus.

If someone rescued you from drowning, you'd probably respond very well to them! You'd be grateful and possibly even love them. Now imagine the rescuer was someone you knew you'd wronged. That's like us and God. That's why Paul emphasises the 'incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ Jesus' (7). This grace is completely unique! We have been 'raised' up with Christ and seated in the heavenly realms with Him (6)- there's no way we could ever earn or deserve that honour.

That's why this blog is called 'Treasuring Christ'. Jesus has achieved for us what we could never achieve for ourselves. He has given us amazing privileges, above and beyond what we deserve. Are you treasuring Him? Or are you tempted to think that He is irrelevant to your busy daily life?

Perhaps in our thinking we need to widen our perspective, to try to comprehend how BIG God is and how small, puny and weak we are. If His grace is incomparably huge, so is our sinfulness and our capacity to completely reject God and live life our own way. We shall love Jesus more if we appreciate what it means for Him to be 'our peace', destroying the barrier of our sinfulness, our inability to follow God's law. That is why Paul describes Jesus as 'abolishing in His flesh the law' (15)- He fulfilled the law's requirements so that we don't have to. And 'through Him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit' (18). In our sinful state, we can't access God. But through Jesus' purity, we can. God has made us part of His household (19) and given us His Holy Spirit (22)- blessings which are only possible through Jesus. We need to open our eyes to 'the incomparable riches of his grace' (7), instead of focusing on our problems.