Book Review: Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl by Paula Hendricks

I came across this book through Revive our Hearts, as Paula writes for the 'Lies Young Women Believe' blog. It's quite American, and it's aimed at teen girls (so I don't really fit this target audience!), but I did really enjoy reading it, and it definitely challenged me on whether I was really aware of all the idols in my life.

Through honest, personal writing, Paula goes through her relationship history with all the ups and downs. She shares her struggle to be pure, her struggle to feel loved and accepted in Christ, and her struggle to wait for God's plan and timing when it comes to romance. I may be married, but I still identified with much of Paula's story. The temptation to idolise a relationship, to try to find all of your security in it, doesn't disappear once you say your vows. It's also a temptation for me to doubt God's plan for my marriage when things don't seem to be going as well as I want them to.

Paula's book reminds us that we can only be the people God wants us to be when we are saturated in His Word, allowing ourselves to be moulded by it instead of the world's ideology.

I loved her emphasis on grace. It's not about conquering passion with a self control of our own effort, but about understanding the gospel and living a life transformed by the Holy Spirit.

Ultimately, the challenge for all of us is to trust that God knows what's best for us, whether that's marriage or singleness. Paula has encouraged me on my journey and I'm sure she will encourage many other young women to pursue Christ, and end the ongoing cycle of "crushes", daydreams, distraction and heartbreak.

The death of the rom-com

Have you noticed recently that the traditional rom-com has gone completely out of fashion? In the last few months there has been an arid desert of no 'You've Got Mail's or 'Ever After's in the cinema. Instead there have been 'chick flicks' focusing upon women getting what they want. Example: 'Bride Wars'. Ostensibly a film about marriage (another unusual concept in modern films), this comedy is actually about two women who come to an age where they want to get married, and set about the business of planning their weddings to fulfil their life-long dream of a reception at the Plaza. The men have a very small part to play in the film, and I was pleasantly surprised at how the plot subtly questions the idea of women reaching a certain age where marriage seems like the next step to take... regardless of who you happen to be dating at the time.

The elements of romance in a film -even for a target female audience- have been sidelined as our culture has moved away from seeking total fulfilment in relationships. Now we idolise career instead. At the youth club we run for 11-13 year olds, I was really surprised when we held a DVD night and a boy brought 'Step Up 2'. I thought this was a really girly film (having seen it in the cinema), but actually the guys loved the cool dancing, and as we watched it I realised that the romantic storyline really takes a backseat to the tough-girl-turns-into-fantastic-dancer scenario.

As a teacher, it seems to me that young people often have totally unrealistic expectations for how their lives will turn out and what career they will pursue, and films like 'Step Up 2' are a classic example of why this is the case. Films often show success stories without much hard graft. In this dance film, you watch a few clips of rehearsals and then suddenly a group are performing an amazingly polished routine. Kids often don't make the link between working hard at school, and getting good jobs, because this is simply too boring for films to make a good story from.

As a Christian then, how do I respond to the messages of these films? I think it's good that we're moving away from the idea that marriage is THE only ultimate goal for a woman in life, but I don't think the answer is to suggest that women need to relentlessly pursue a career in order to be a success. Nor is it healthy to suggest that you can land the job of your dreams with little effort.

But the crux of the matter is this: where do you find meaning for your life? Whether it's in relationships, or your job, or your hobby, you can never find full satisfaction. Only through knowing God can your soul find rest, and then all these other things fall into place.

'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all [the things you need] will be given to you as well.' Matthew 6:33