Suffering in Ministry: Following Paul's example

The apostle Paul gives us an amazing example of someone who followed Christ faithfully in a ministry that was full of suffering. Although he had the joy of planting churches and pioneering gospel work in places where Christ was not known, he also had the hardship of opposition constantly throughout his ministry. Using the book of Acts and Paul's letters in the New Testament, we can build a detailed picture of what his ministry life was like. It certainly wasn't glamorous or free from pain. He faced jealousy from the Jews, who often rejected him (see Acts 13-14). He dealt with deceit and imprisonment (Acts 16), and also had to fend off the false teaching of fake apostles in places where the church was young and fragile (see his letter to the Galatians).

Before Paul was converted, he sought to imprison Christians and even watched Stephen die as a martyr for his faith (Acts 7). So when he became a believer after a dramatic encounter with Christ (Acts 9), he knew that his life would be endangered. Although Acts ends with Paul continuing with a growing ministry, he was martyred in Rome some time later.

Here's what he wrote about his sufferings in ministry:

'To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty, we are in rags, we are brutally treated, we are homeless. We work hard with our own hands. When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly. We have become the scum of the earth, the garbage of the world – right up to this moment. I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.' (1 Cor 4:11-17)

The scum of the earth! Paul could not have been in ministry for the fame and fortune. Through his suffering he was able to prove his authenticity as an apostle, and when we suffer in ministry, it gives us a similar opportunity to prove how real our faith is to a watching world. Paul urges the Corinthians to imitate him, because his way of life was consistent with his teaching. That's a huge challenge to anyone in ministry! At any point, you should be able to urge your church to imitate you, because you walk the talk. Whether you urge them to or not, they will still be photocopying your lifestyle.

Look at what Paul writes in another letter:

'Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have laboured and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?' (2 Cor 11:24-29)

In all of these pressures on Paul in his ministry, he was made to feel his weakness constantly. But, as he goes on to write, God wants His servants to serve Him in weakness, because then they rely on His strength. Paul writes,

'I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.' (2 Corinthians 12:7-10)

When we suffer and we're in ministry, we can't just wish God would take all the pain away so we can 'get on with the job'. Suffering is part of ministry, part of the call, because it's an integral part of following Christ. We have to learn to trust in His grace despite our weakness. I'm challenged by Paul's example, as I see him
☻ constantly in prayer - his weakness driving him to the Lord, not to despair (1 Thess 5:16-18)
☻ taking joy in the gospel - seeing it bear fruit despite his personal suffering (Col 1:6)
☻ rejoicing in the finished work of Christ - knowing his salvation didn't depend on his ministry efforts (Phil 3:7-12)
☻ trusting that Christ is coming - the day of suffering will come to an end (1 Thess 3:13)
☻ persevering in preaching, teaching and discipling - passing on the baton (2 Tim 1:13-14)
☻ praising God's wisdom - understanding that we don't always understand God's ways (Rom 11:33-36)

Let's imitate Paul as he imitates Christ, and call on those around us to do so too.

Leviticus: the necessity of holiness

It seems to me that Leviticus is one of the most neglected books of the Bible. It's easy to understand why: it starts with seven chapters about different types of offerings, then talks about the priesthood of Aaron, then gives loads of laws which seem fairly obscure. A lot of them aren't applicable for Christians today; they have been fulfilled in Jesus' death and resurrection. We don't have a levitical priesthood anymore, nor do we offer sacrifices, because Jesus is our great High Priest and His sacrifice was offered once for all (see Hebrews 10). But it does bug me that Leviticus gets written off, especially the moral laws, because so many of the principles in those laws still stand today. Where did Jesus get 'you shall love your neighbour as yourself' from (see Matt 22:39)? Leviticus 19:18.

The key thing to remember when reading Leviticus is that at the heart of the book is the holiness of God and how God's people are to reflect that holiness. This principal is very relevant for Christians today; after all, God doesn't change. He is still holy. He still requires holiness from His people. That's one of the main ways Leviticus is used in the New Testament. Peter quotes it in his letter:

'As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”' (1 Pet 1:14-16)

Peter is quoting from Leviticus 11:44 and Leviticus 19:2.

In some ways, the ways in which people demonstrate holiness have changed. In Leviticus there were laws which gave a symbolic representation of holiness and by following them, God's people would be separate from other nations. We don't have these symbolic ritual laws anymore, like purification rites (Lev 12), not eating certain animals (Lev 11, see also Acts 10) and circumcision (Lev 12:8). It's the moral perspective of Leviticus which strikes me the most: be holy in your sexuality or die (Lev 20:10-16), be holy in your words about God or die (Lev 24:10-23), be holy in your worship or die (Lev 10:1-20). Why did God judge people so harshly for breaking laws in the Old Testament? Because in their disobedience, they revealed that they really cared little for Him. Holiness is a key test of our devotion to the LORD, and the New Testament continues this same perspective:

'Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practise homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.' 1 Cor 6:9-11.

From a New Testament perspective then, being born again is the beginning of a journey to holiness. Before we came to Christ, there was no way we could be holy. We were lost in sin. But once He saved us, He gave us His Spirit and, through His Spirit, the power to say 'no' to our flesh.

'His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.' 2 Peter 1:3-8

There's this amazing harmony in these verses of God's power in us and our own effort working together to make us holy. It's not salvation by works; it's spiritual growth, and this doesn't happen if we just sit around and fail to exercise our faith in action, or spiritual disciplines like prayer, reading the Word, helping the needy. The New Testament doesn't promise us perfection in this life; it tells us this will be a battle and a struggle which we need spiritual weapons to fight (Eph 6). But there is a sense that we will increase in practical holiness as we grow in spiritual maturity and as our passion for God takes over more and more of our hearts, souls and minds.

Our fight against sin will be most effective when we are fixing our eyes on Jesus, and exposing our sin to others with confession and prayer so that it loses its power and grip on our lives. The devil wants you to wallow in secret sin and doubt your salvation and the efficacy of Christ's redemption; the Spirit wants to convict you of sin so that you see it for what it really is, and see victory over it through Jesus' blood shed for you on the cross.

'Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God.' 2 Cor 7:1

'Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.' 1 John 3:2-3

Comfort in suffering: 2 Corinthians

Going through suffering is never easy. I've found it so helpful to find books to navigate my way through it: what to think, what to pray, what to sing. Matt and Beth Redman's 'Blessed be your name' (the song and the book) have been very helpful but today I'm going to focus on one of my favourite Bible books: 2 Corinthians.

I've been reading a book of daily devotionals called 'Contentment' by Lydia Brownback. Again, this is an amazingly concise but incisive book that has really challenged me. She wrote today's devotion on Paul's experience of 'the thorn in the flesh' as recorded in 2 Corinthians 12. We don't know what it was, but Paul was experiencing some form of suffering and asked God three times to take it away. Instead, the words Christ spoke to him were:

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' (v9)

That verse really kicks against what we want to believe. Surely not, God? Surely I'm more useful to you when I'm 'sorted', when I've got it together? But that's not what Jesus says.

Brownback puts it this way: 'Our thorns are opportunities to cling to Christ... There are things about our union with Christ that we just cannot know apart from the thorns that spear our lives. You'll never know Christ's sufficiency if you spend all your energy seeking to pull the thorn out of your flesh.'

This really ties in with the whole letter of 2 Corinthians. Paul's message to the church is that suffering isn't some inconvenient truth which just has to be avoided so we can look like 'real' Christians. Actually, God uses suffering in our lives: to comfort us Himself in a way that no one else can, and to equip us to comfort others (see chapter 1 v4).

Suffering makes us see ourselves for what we really are: jars of clay (chapter 4 v7), so we trust in God not ourselves (chapter 1 v9).

We know God's salvation as a present reality, but also as a future one too:

'we trust that He will yet deliver us' (chapter 1 v10)

We hang on to the physical historical reality of Christ's resurrection as the source of our hope in our own eternal future:

'knowing that He which raised up the Lord Jesus shall raise up us also by Jesus... we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.' (chapter 4 v14,18)

Suffering reminds me that I haven't got it all together. I haven't figured out answers to all of life's questions. But what I do know, and what I have come to know more in suffering, is that God's promises of comfort are true. May you know His comfort today whatever your suffering is.

Soundbites from 2 Corinthians: Truth not Deception

'we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.' 2 Corinthians 4:2

What a challenge this verse is! How often, in conversations with work mates or family, do we try to 'cover up' the bits in the Bible we find difficult or that we know they will find offensive? Do we only give them half the picture, talking about God's love and never His judgement? Paul's letter to the Corinthians has much to teach us about genuine gospel ministry. Paul was being compared to so-called 'super apostles' and showy men who were more impressive with their speeches, and yet preached a different gospel. He makes a genuine defence in this letter that he is the real deal! He has been faithful to God's truth in the gospel, and he has not used deception in order to pander to his audience.

Paul had to tell the Corinthians some hard truths. Many of them were from a totally pagan background, and he had to call them to repent from their sinful ways in order to enter genuine relationship with God. In 1 Corinthians 6 he wrote:

'Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.'

Paul did not simply tell the Corinthians about God's love for them in Christ; he also taught them that genuine faith was always accompanied by genuine repentance from former ways of living that were against God. Note his phrase 'Do not be deceived'. Perhaps some false teachers were telling the Corinthians that they could live however they wanted to- it didn't matter to God. Sometimes it's easy to leave out of our gospel presentations that God calls for His people to live holy lives that stand out from the crowd. But we have to give people the full picture. We can't pretend that the Christian life is easy- it's not! It's a struggle against our own desires, particularly if in the past we've been used to living how we wanted to.

But here's the point: if we don't set forth the truth plainly, we actually lose our impact as Christians. Why would anyone see the need to be a Christian and trust in Christ, if they feel they are 'good enough' by themselves? Without the whole gospel, we end up with no gospel at all. We need to remember that we will stand before God one day and give an account for how we have represented Him and His message to the people around us.

Soundbites from 2 Corinthians: The New Covenant

'He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.' 2 Corinthians 3:6

Paul rejoices in this letter that God has not only saved us and restored our relationship with Himself, but He has also entrusted us with a ministry for Him. When we come to trust in God and our sins are forgiven in Christ, we are reconciled to God as our Father. As Christians, we are then given a ministry of reconciliation- to lead others to know God as their Father too. This is the 'new covenant'- Jesus Christ died, and His blood enables us to be at peace with God.

In the old covenant, as given to Israel through the Law of Moses, the people sacrificed animals and used the blood of bulls and goats to make atonement for their sins. This was a temporary system that ultimately pointed forward to the way God would send Christ to die, the Lamb of God, taking on the sins of the world.

The Law of Moses is represented in this verse by 'the letter'. Perhaps you've heard the phrase 'the letter of the law'. It's a phrase that's usually associated with strong enforcement of rules or regulations. Paul was a Jew obsessed with trying to keep the Law of Moses, before He met Christ on the road to Damascus. He, better than anyone, knew that the letter 'killed', because it condemned mankind. No one could stand up before God and honestly claim to have kept the law to the letter.

But in the new covenant, Christ's obedience provides a better way for us. Our disobedience can be nailed to the cross, and we can receive the Holy Spirit and true 'life'. Instead of living tied to rules and regulations, we are freed by the power of the Spirit to live to please God. It doesn't mean that we do whatever we like; it means we are able to choose the path of holiness instead of by default the path of sin.

We can offer people the chance to be freed from the power of sin and its punishment, through Christ. God has made us competent to share the message of His grace. So whenever we feel incompetent, or like our words never come out right, we can be encouraged by this verse that God has enabled us to do this for Him. We have an amazing message to share through the new covenant, so we should rejoice in boldly proclaiming it to our friends and family.

Soundbites from 2 Corinthians: Relying on God not ourselves

Over the next few posts, I'm going to pick out my favourite verses from 2 Corinthians and share the challenges and encouragements I've received from them. This letter that Paul wrote to the church in Corinth is possibly my favourite NT letter- whenever I read it, in whatever circumstances, it speaks to me so strongly about persevering through suffering and rejoicing in our salvation and the fact that we've been reconciled with God.

So here's my starter:

'We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure... But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.' 2 Cor 1:8-9

Paul and his ministry team had really been through a tough time. In Ephesus, they faced huge opposition and riots, and were driven out of the city. Paul was hearing reports about the church in Corinth being full of sexual immorality and division, due to false teachers, and faced the personal pain and humiliation of the Corinthians being swayed by the persuasive words of men who did not have the apostolic authority that Paul himself did. Paul describes how they were in such a difficult situation, and yet God put them through it for a reason: so they would rely on Him, not on themselves.

How often do we need to be reminded of this lesson! Time and time again, we fall back on our own resources and forget to trust in God to provide us with everything we need. Paul reminds us in this verse that God raised Christ from the dead- therefore He's not going to find it too hard to help us out in our difficult situations!

I always find that at this time of the year it's natural to reflect on the year that has passed- 2010. And I can really testify that this year God did take me through some times where I felt I was completely beyond my own ability to endure- particularly in my time of extreme sickness where I had about two months off work, and I just didn't think I could take it any more! But I knew God's faithfulness in that time, especially when I was in hospital, much more than if I had been 100% healthy and well. God really does know best, and I pray that this year I'd learn to rely on Him way more!

Sex before marriage: what does the Bible say?

Some people think that the Bible doesn't say much about sex. Other people think the Bible is really negative about sex. I was asked by a Christian friend recently how I would go about explaining what the Bible says about sex before marriage to someone who is a Christian and sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend. This post is really my response to that question.

Summary:
God has such a high value on sex that He designed it to be just for marriage.

The argument starts in Genesis. God makes Adam and Eve, marries them, and they enjoy sex as an expression of their unity: 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' Gen 2:24 The implication is that you can't become one flesh physically (ie in sexual intercourse) without first being joined before God in marriage. This makes sense in that sex is a picture of giving yourselves completely to one another- this just isn't appropriate outside the safety net of marriage, where you have made a lifelong commitment to each other.

The high value God places on sex within marriage is emphasised throughout the Old Testament- most notably in the command against adultery (Ex 20:14). If you engage in pre-marital sex, you are in one sense being unfaithful to your future spouse. If the person ends up being someone you marry, you have still spoilt something special and unique meant for marriage only.

There are people in the Old Testament who disregard God's design for sex and marriage, and the result is always spiritual disaster. Look at Solomon: he had a ridiculous number of concubines (300!), and they had a terrible influence on him. He also married 700 women, and they 'turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God' (1 Kings 11:4). Solomon had built the temple and was gifted with wisdom from God, and yet in this matter he was blind to the warnings he was given, and so his kingdom was torn away from him (1 Kings 11:11). This ties into the idea that Christians going out with/marrying non Christians is spiritually damaging, because you are essentially uniting yourself with someone who is spiritually dead (see Ephesians 2 for the strong contrast between Christians and non-Christians, and 2 Cor 6 for instruction on not being 'yoked' with unbelievers).

The New Testament letters speak a lot about sexual purity. There are several key passages where 'fornication' (ie sex before marriage) is condemned (1 Cor 6:12- 7:40; Eph 5:1-7; 1 Thess 4:1-8), and in Hebrews 13:4 it says that the marriage bed should be kept pure, for God will judge the sexually immoral. The key emphasis in all these passages is that we've been saved by God's grace and set free from the crippling, disabling power of sin over our lives. Therefore our whole lives as Christians are about using that power to resist sin and live 100% for Jesus instead of being ruled by passion just like non-believers are.

When people have problems with what the Bible teaches on sex, it actually points to a bigger problem: their attitude towards God. Too often we are driven by our own desires for a relationship or physical intimacy, instead of putting God's agenda at the top of our priorities. If you're a Christian and you know another Christian who is struggling in this area, encourage them to draw closer to God. If you can, suggest meeting up together to read the Bible. Working through a short letter like 1 Thessalonians would only take a few sessions, and all you'd have to do is read it and discuss it. If they're really serious about being a Christian, they have to accept that it intrinsically means giving up what you want, and going God's way instead. And the joy of being a Christian is that God's way is so much better!!! As Paul writes, those things (sexual immorality included) lead to death. Why would we want to go back to them? (Romans 6:21)

Ultimately, we need to realise that God loves us far more than we comprehend. He loved us enough to send Jesus to die for us. Won't He give us anything that's good for us? Would He with hold the best from us? Of course not. (see Romans 8).

Therefore the Bible's teaching on sex and marriage is there to help us. God is FOR sex (he invented it!!!) and He has such a high value on it that he reserves it for those who are married. People who sleep with others before marriage are de-valuing sex. God's way is best because it preserves society and the family unit- look at the result of people sleeping together outside marriage: STDs, AIDS, broken homes, kids without fathers... And I hate to say it, but usually the girl in the relationship is the one with everything to lose and nothing to gain. A guy can sleep with someone and walk away; the girl ends up way more emotionally scarred and potentially with a baby to look after.

I think if a guy really loves you, he'd be willing to wait : Christian OR non Christian. But the real sticking point about Christians going out with non Christians is that they can't be a gospel team, working together to serve Jesus. One serves Jesus; the other belongs basically to the devil and is spiritually dead. I think one of the greatest blessings of Christian marriage is that you keep each other going with Jesus, pick each other up when you're down, lead each other back to the cross. However attracted you are to each other, it's the spiritual bond you share that will keep you going in the tough times.

An Overview of 2 Corinthians 1-6

Here's a quick overview of the first six chapters of Paul's letter to the church in Corinth, written around 55 AD.

Chapter 1

God comforts us in all our troubles. Paul endured distress for the Corinthians' salvation. Paul went through times of despair, but this happened so he'd rely on God. Paul reiterates that God makes him and the Corinthians stand firm in Christ, sealing them in His Spirit.

Chapter 2

Paul thanks God for leading them in triumph in Christ. They are the aroma of Christ: death to the unsaved, but life to the saved. Who is equal to such a task? He asks. He emphasises his own sincerity. They did not go to Corinth for profit- quite the opposite.

Chapter 3

Paul derives encouragement for his ministry from the genuine faith of the Corinthians. Paul doesn't claim to be competent; his competence comes from God. Their ministry is the new covenant, of life and the Spirit, not the law and death. This ministry is glorious! And we reflect God's glory, and are being transformed into His likeness every day.

Chapter 4

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Paul says they don't use deception, or distort God's word. They set forth the truth plainly, fully aware that Satan has blinded the minds of unbelievers so that they cannot understand the gospel. Paul doesn't preach himself, but Jesus Christ. He's just a clay pot, with the treasure of the gospel shining out of him. They've gone through huge troubles and persecution, but they're not defeated. Jesus is being shown more clearly in them through their suffering. They are confident that they will be raised up with Jesus. Their troubles are temporary, but there's an eternity of glory ahead of them that they keep their sights set on.

Chapter 5

This life is tough, Paul says, because we're longing to be where we really belong: heaven. So we live by faith, not by sight, and make it our goal to please God in everything. One day He'll judge us for what we do. In light of this, we try to persuade men to take Jesus seriously. He died for all, and His love compels us. We don't see people through the world's eyes, because we know that if they come to Christ, they will be made a new creation. God reconciled the world to Himself in Christ when He died on the cross, and so we are Christ's ambassadors, taking this message of forgiveness and friendship to all.

Chapter 6

This means we don't put any stumbling blocks in people's paths. As servants of God we commend ourselves by being pure, patient and kind, even in severe suffering: physical beatings, hard work, sleepless nights and hunger. We stick to the truth and we cling to the power of God with weapons of righteousness in each hand. We don't have anything, yet we possess everything. It's a topsy-turvy world we live in as Christians, but we're called to open our hearts to those we are ministering to.

Christians and non-Christians: NOT a match made in heaven

Relationships are funny things. They can dominate our thoughts and desires, they can bring us joy and companionship, they can destroy us. The quest for 'true love' for the Christian can be a bit of a minefield, with lots of casualties if wrong choices are made.

It's easy to feel that the Bible is very out-of-date on the whole issue of relationships, given that in Bible times, arranged marriage was the norm. Whilst arranged marriages are still happening today, mostly in Western culture we go about finding ourselves a spouse very differently. The 'dating game'.

How should Christians approach relationships? My main point for this post is:
Christians should desire to glorify God in their romantic relationships.

This may involve pain and heartache, it may mean walking away from someone you really care about. But the Bible makes one thing clear:
A Christian should not marry a non-Christian.

‘A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.’ 1 Corinthians 7:39

Paul in this chapter of Corinthians deals with some tricky marital situations. What do you do if you’re married, then you become a Christian? Paul says you should stay married. But if, as these verses show, that unbelieving spouse dies, the widow is free to marry, but this time it must be a Christian.

This principle therefore applies to all Christians who have a choice about who they marry (ie. They aren’t already married). It is wrong for a Christian to choose to marry a non-Christian.

Following logically on from this, it makes sense then that Christians should not go out with non-believers. You don’t just get married in our culture, you go out with someone first. If you want your spouse to be a Christian, then you need to make sure any potential spouse (ie. Girlfriend or boyfriend) is a Christian.

Why is this important?

1.Christians and non-Christians are fundamentally different.
The reason God says Christians and non-Christians should not marry is because marriage makes two people ‘one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). A Christian is a new creation in Jesus Christ, and a non-Christian is still dead in their sins (see Ephesians 2 and Colossians 2). That doesn’t make for a good combination! 2 Corinthians 6:14 says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” In a relationship, whether you get married or not, you are saying ‘I want to be closer to this person than to my friends and family. I want to spend time with them, sharing who I am with them.’ That makes you vulnerable, as my next point discusses.

2.Christians are fighting a constant battle against sin.
There are many temptations in life (pride, selfishness, greed) which Christians have to constantly fight against. We’re in spiritual warfare (see Ephesians 6)! Therefore if you’re sharing your life intimately with someone, it needs to be someone who’s going to help you in that battle. Someone who will pray with you and for you to be the person God wants you to be. Someone who shares your faith and values. Someone who won’t be an added temptation, particularly in the area of lust. Even if the person you’re going out with agrees that they won’t have sex with you, they will not be looking to avoid temptation in the same way, and they will not have the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome temptation. Lust is a problem not just of physically messing up, but of mentally dwelling on unhelpful images, and you need to be ruthless in cutting it out of your mind. It is also worth saying that in the Christian life, is something isn’t actively helping you grow in faith and holiness, it is a hindrance. There’s no neutral ground. Even if your girlfriend isn’t pressuring you to go too far, if she isn’t pointing you towards Jesus, she’s holding you back. Hebrews 12:1 says ‘let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.’

FAQ: Surely I can help my non-Christian girlfriend to become a Christian by going out with her?
This is such a disaster zone. The Bible never never advocates this: it is the work of the Holy Spirit alone to convert people, and it’s our job to tell them the good news. You don’t need to be going out with someone to do this! In fact, it actually becomes a hindrance, because you are a better witness for Jesus when you show to someone that you value Him more than any other living being –more than a girl you really like who likes you back. However good your intentions are, that person will always be aware of the fact that you wish they were a Christian. They are not ‘good enough’. And more often than not, going out with a non-Christian makes the Christian get lukewarm and tepid rather than firing up the unbeliever into faith. Even if the unbeliever declares their faith, it is often more to do with their believing partner than with them and God. When someone’s faith is dependent upon a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, this is not a solid foundation and when something goes wrong with the relationship, their faith often does not stand up to the pressure.
If you go out with someone who isn’t a Christian, what do you do when they don’t convert? How long do you wait for this to happen? By then you may be so involved with them that you end up marrying them. In the everyday intimacy of marriage, life becomes extremely difficult if you do not have the same foundation of faith to live by. Put two sinners together and you’re always going to have problems. Two Christians who are married at least have the Holy Spirit to help them through, and have placed their ultimate satisfaction in Jesus rather than each other. This is the greatest basis for a successful marriage.