Book Review: Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Girl by Paula Hendricks

I came across this book through Revive our Hearts, as Paula writes for the 'Lies Young Women Believe' blog. It's quite American, and it's aimed at teen girls (so I don't really fit this target audience!), but I did really enjoy reading it, and it definitely challenged me on whether I was really aware of all the idols in my life.

Through honest, personal writing, Paula goes through her relationship history with all the ups and downs. She shares her struggle to be pure, her struggle to feel loved and accepted in Christ, and her struggle to wait for God's plan and timing when it comes to romance. I may be married, but I still identified with much of Paula's story. The temptation to idolise a relationship, to try to find all of your security in it, doesn't disappear once you say your vows. It's also a temptation for me to doubt God's plan for my marriage when things don't seem to be going as well as I want them to.

Paula's book reminds us that we can only be the people God wants us to be when we are saturated in His Word, allowing ourselves to be moulded by it instead of the world's ideology.

I loved her emphasis on grace. It's not about conquering passion with a self control of our own effort, but about understanding the gospel and living a life transformed by the Holy Spirit.

Ultimately, the challenge for all of us is to trust that God knows what's best for us, whether that's marriage or singleness. Paula has encouraged me on my journey and I'm sure she will encourage many other young women to pursue Christ, and end the ongoing cycle of "crushes", daydreams, distraction and heartbreak.

The necessity of forgiveness # 1: 1 Corinthians love

I've met a lot of people with estrangements in their family, a relative they haven't spoken to for years. Some almost seem proud of it. And I'm no stranger to having that kind of situation. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and since he remarried, I've hardly seen my Dad despite him living a short drive away. It's a situation with a lot of hurt. But time and again, when I've been tempted to stop bothering to send cards for birthdays and Christmas or other occasions, when I've been tempted to be indifferent and stop caring, God has done something to show me that I have to keep loving, and keep forgiving.

For many years I have prayed about being able to forgive my Dad. And there's times when I feel it's fine; I do forgive him. But there's also times when the deep, deep hurt is dragged up again. It still makes me cry. And I think, have I really forgiven? I have to keep taking it back to God, to my heavenly Father, again and again.

I was struck by an article on Revive our Hearts today about this very issue. The speaker had a similarly estranged relationship with her father. He didn't ask her for forgiveness, but she knew she had to forgive him anyway. She mentioned 1 Corinthians 13: love 'keeps no record of wrongs... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.' (NIV) In the ESV it says 'Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' (v7) To show the kind of love God has shown us towards others will require this kind of faith and perseverance, even with people who have deeply hurt us and are difficult to love. Whenever I think I may as well give up on my relationship with my Dad, this verse encourages me to keep going, to keep loving, because this will glorify my heavenly Father. As Ney Bailey says, 'we're most like Christ when we're forgiving.'

Ultimately I have to get the right perspective. Too often I feel it is my 'right' to have a certain kind of earthly father; the reality is that I have a heavenly One who is perfect. No one has a perfect earthly dad. And I have been very blessed in that my step-dad has always been a father to me; his family have always loved me and accepted me; God has more than compensated for this one breached relationship in my family by providing me with so many other loving people in my life. And I have to have faith when I pray for my Dad that God can still save him and still restore our relationship; He is the God of reconciliation.

What's wrong with the Church? Organic Church reviewed

Neil Cole's 'Organic Church' asks crucial questions of the Church in today's society.

Bluntly, he writes that to most non-Christians, church is where you get married and are buried, and people are desperate to avoid both. He also points out that an incredible amount of effort and resources are expended for one hour a week. Jesus commissioned us to go into all the world and make disciples (Matthew 28), and we've turned it round, expecting the world to come to us.

Cole points out that the Church belongs to Jesus, and He is our key team player! We need to trust Him more and be prepared to go into scary places to find the 'good soil' of people waiting to hear and believe the good news. The Gospels make it clear where the most receptive people are: they are the outcasts of society, the prostitutes and low-lifes, they are in the places no one respectable wants to go to. If we want to see the church grow, we need to get out of our comfort zone and into the tough places!

Cole also argues that we need to stop allowing people within the church to be passive. New converts do not need to be 'trained' to reach others- look at how Jesus sent out Legion straight after healing him! Ultimately, instead of drawing people out of community, Jesus' plan is to inject the Gospel into existing communities... so that the members become a church themselves.

In short, we need to strip down all our requirements for church that aren't biblical- such as owning a building, running large services and organising rotas - and focus upon what really matters: close relationships that reach out to include anyone, no matter what their past or present situation is. Above all, as Christians we need to show others how Jesus has changed our lives... and show others how He can change their lives too.

The death of the rom-com

Have you noticed recently that the traditional rom-com has gone completely out of fashion? In the last few months there has been an arid desert of no 'You've Got Mail's or 'Ever After's in the cinema. Instead there have been 'chick flicks' focusing upon women getting what they want. Example: 'Bride Wars'. Ostensibly a film about marriage (another unusual concept in modern films), this comedy is actually about two women who come to an age where they want to get married, and set about the business of planning their weddings to fulfil their life-long dream of a reception at the Plaza. The men have a very small part to play in the film, and I was pleasantly surprised at how the plot subtly questions the idea of women reaching a certain age where marriage seems like the next step to take... regardless of who you happen to be dating at the time.

The elements of romance in a film -even for a target female audience- have been sidelined as our culture has moved away from seeking total fulfilment in relationships. Now we idolise career instead. At the youth club we run for 11-13 year olds, I was really surprised when we held a DVD night and a boy brought 'Step Up 2'. I thought this was a really girly film (having seen it in the cinema), but actually the guys loved the cool dancing, and as we watched it I realised that the romantic storyline really takes a backseat to the tough-girl-turns-into-fantastic-dancer scenario.

As a teacher, it seems to me that young people often have totally unrealistic expectations for how their lives will turn out and what career they will pursue, and films like 'Step Up 2' are a classic example of why this is the case. Films often show success stories without much hard graft. In this dance film, you watch a few clips of rehearsals and then suddenly a group are performing an amazingly polished routine. Kids often don't make the link between working hard at school, and getting good jobs, because this is simply too boring for films to make a good story from.

As a Christian then, how do I respond to the messages of these films? I think it's good that we're moving away from the idea that marriage is THE only ultimate goal for a woman in life, but I don't think the answer is to suggest that women need to relentlessly pursue a career in order to be a success. Nor is it healthy to suggest that you can land the job of your dreams with little effort.

But the crux of the matter is this: where do you find meaning for your life? Whether it's in relationships, or your job, or your hobby, you can never find full satisfaction. Only through knowing God can your soul find rest, and then all these other things fall into place.

'But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all [the things you need] will be given to you as well.' Matthew 6:33

Dad at 13- how should Christians respond?

The papers this week (particularly 'The Sun') have been scandalised by Alfie Patten, the 13 year-old boy whose girlfriend conceived when he was just 12 years old.

The incident is said to highlight 'Broken Britain' and the deterioration of society- and certainly it is terrifying to see such a youthful face look down upon a baby as his own child. It all seems so wrong.

And it is. There is no doubt that it is completely inappropriate for a 12 year old boy to be sexually active. But this highlights a bigger issue- that the main message of sex education in schools is that using contraception means you can have "safe sex". Sex ed therefore implies that whilst sex without protection is foolish, sex with condoms is fine, and even a natural part of adolescence.

As Christians we need to stand up against this message. No sex outside marriage is "safe", because it involves a deep emotional commitment to someone. If this commitment is broken (ie. you break up) you can be physically, emotionally and psychologically scarred. Or worse, desensitised to the beautiful expression of long-lasting love that God created sex to be.

'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.' (Genesis 2:24)
Note that the physical union of sex only occurs AFTER the couple have made a public declaration in marriage of total commitment to each other for life.

An unexpected ray of sunshine in this sad story came from Norman Wells, the director of the charity Family and Youth Concern, quoted in 'The Times' as saying:
'We need to challenge the common perception of sex as a casual recreational activity and present it rather as an expression of the total self-giving of a husband and wife to each other in marriage.'

This is not even a Christian organisation! We as Christians need to stop being worried about being counter-cultural and how the world will respond to us. Instead we need to passionately believe that God's way is the best way, not just for us but for everyone.

A weakness for women- Samson

Judges 16

Samson continually shows a weakness for women that is
a) sinful
b) leads him into many dangerous situations.

God graciously provides ways for him to escape and triumph in his marriage, the incident with the prostitute in Gaza, but finally God allows the Philistines to overpower him.

Samson allows himself to love a Philistine woman (again), and puts himself in her power by telling her the secret of his strength. He became complacent and arrogant in his 'strength', forgetting that he is dependent on God and his role as a Nazirite was to be set apart for God. His actions repeatedly went against this role.

But through Samson, God works another victory for Israel- at the cost of Samson's life when he pulls down the temple of Dagon. God's purposes came to pass but Samson often obstructed them more than he fulfilled them.

This is perhaps a warning to us as Christians of the damaging effect romantic involvement with non Christians can have. You can definitely still be a Christian and go out with, even marry, a non-Christian, but in doing so you are obstructing God's work through you. You cannot be as effective for God when you are yoked to an unbeliever (see 2 Corinthians 6). You cannot have a marriage that is a gospel partnership. And you have duties and responsibilities towards your spouse which may reduce your involvement in gospel ministry, because they will not be involved with it too.

We need to constantly examine our hearts to see if we value God above every single other thing (including people) in our lives. If we place a person before Him, even if it's a spouse, then we are not living in the way that He wants us to (see Luke 14:25-27).

Helping Christians who are married to non-Christians

Recently I posted a series of articles on Christian attitudes to dating and relationships, including the principle that Christians should not go out with, or marry, a non-Christian.

But what happens if you become a Christian AFTER marriage? Or what if you DID marry a non-Christian? Perhaps you know a Christian who is married to a non-believer. What help can you give?

Well I'd like to recommend John Dickson's 'Promoting the Gospel'. I found this book, which covers evangelism in all areas of life, particularly enlightening on the subject of mixed faith marriages. He looks at 1 Peter 3:1-2:
'Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.'

This is what he says:
'Peter plainly says that people can be won to Christianity through behaviour. Am I saying that faith in Christ can come about without hearing the gospel? No... people cannot put their faith in Jesus without first learning the gospel about him. However, this does not mean that hearing the gospel is the only cause of faith...
Peter's words in 1 Peter 3:1-2 are not intended as a "let-off" for those who are shy about Christ, but as an encouragement to those who find themselves in situations in which speaking about the Faith is difficult or inappropriate. The marriage relationship (the specific context of Peter's words) is a classic example...
[Be reassured that] the Lord of the harvest can win over our loved ones without a word (from you) by the power of a godly life.' (p100-101)

In other words, if your spouse is not a Christian, you need to:
1. Pray for them to be saved.
2. Continue as a Christian yourself- keep going to church and join a small group, or find a Christian friend of the same sex as you who you can meet up with for prayer and support. Don't struggle alone- get help! Finding someone else in the same situation could be really helpful for both of you (again same sex as you applies).
3. Live a God-honouring life before them, to point them towards Jesus.
4. Share the gospel with them when the opportunity arises, in a gentle and respectful way.
5. Don't nag them!
6. Guard yourself against lust and jealousy for Christian marriages in your church. Pray against discontentment. God has put you in this situation for a reason, to teach you new things, and He is in control. He works everything for the good of those who love Him, so trust that He knows what He's doing (Rom 8:28).

1 Corinthians 7 is really relevant to this situation:
'If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.'

In Corinth, people were becoming Christians, and then divorcing their unbelieving spouses. Paul says this is wrong! God is a God of faithfulness, who hates divorce. That is never what He wants you to do. Instead, God 'sanctifies' the unbelieving spouse- in other words, God makes special provision for His children who are married to unbelievers. He does not automatically convert the spouse, but He blesses the children of a mixed faith marriage.

Of course, this passage is not a justification for Christians, who have the choice of who they marry, to marry non-Christians. The question 'how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?' is a verse of encouragement to those in a very difficult situation, not a mandate to enter this situation. Paul makes it clear in this very chapter that if a Christian has the choice of whom they marry, they should definitely marry another Christian (v39). The whole point about retaining the place in life to which God has called you simply means that you can't get out of your marriage bond when you become a Christian.

Being a Christian married to a non-Christian is very tough, and no Christian should ever willingly choose this situation. But, as I can testify from witnessing it with my own eyes, God can certainly bring much blessing to those who seek to remain faithful to Him within a mixed faith marriage. The church needs to be particularly pro-active in supporting these marriages, particularly the Christian spouse, who can easily become isolated. Churches also need to be aware that a Christian married to a non-Christian will have to be sensitive to the needs of their spouse, which may mean a reduced involvement in serving in church life. If you are a Christian who is supporting a friend in a mixed faith marriage, or you are in a mixed faith marriage, keep praying for God to give you wisdom. I'd very much appreciate any comments you can make to share from your own experiences. May the Lord bless you!

How can I change my feelings?

I've been posting recently about relationships. I know this is a really tough area of life for many Christians (I certainly found it so, before I got married). I thought I'd use this post to deal with the whole issue of Christians falling in love with non-Christians. I know what it's like, because I've done it myself, but the way I dealt with it was pretty rubbish. I'd love to encourage you not to make the same mistakes.

So, the situation could be that you're a Christian, you're at school or at work, surrounded by non-Christians. At your church, there's a lack of people your own age of the opposite sex. In your daily environment, you're developing friendships with people naturally, through spending time with them, and gradually you notice yourself feeling something more than friendship for one of the guys/girls you know.

What do you do?

Well in practice there's several options:
1. You let things develop and you go out with this person.
2. You sit on the fence, telling the person that you can't go out with them, but you don't make any effort to avoid them or end the friendship. Things kind of hang around in the air uncomfortably- and something might happen.
3. You back off.

What are the consequences of these various courses of action?
With (1), you could end up marrying them, or break up with them. Neither of these options are very desirable. With marrying them, you might have 'followed your heart' but you won't have treasured Christ above the relationship. Your faith will probably suffer. By breaking up with them, it'll probably be really difficult and you'll both feel hurt and unhappy. During the relationship, you could also have made mistakes and gone too far. That's an added pain.

With (2), your witness as a Christian is not going to be that of a shining star (see Philippians 2:15). You run the risk of being flirtatious and leading someone on, which is cruel and unfair, and also of something happening unexpectedly due to the build-up of tension. If you've decided not to go out with someone, you need to make it clear by following through with your conduct... and this involves backing off.

With (3), it's definitely not going to be easy. You have to go against your feelings, and there may be some awkwardness with friendship groups and where you hang out etc. But (3) is the best option if you want to put Jesus first. (3) is the only option which makes it clear to the other person that you've made a decision that you're going to stick by. (3) is the only option in which people can see that Jesus means more to you than anything else... even your feelings. (3) is an option where God will be faithful, and help you through the pain and difficulty, because you're doing it to honour Him.

If you do choose (3), I strongly recommend that you get someone on board to help you. Find a trustworthy person at church, tell them about the situation, and ask them to pray for you. With their help and encouragement, you can get through it.

And believe it or not, you will find that your feelings follow your decision. It may take a while, but this is not the only area of life in which you shouldn't let your feelings dictate your actions. The Christian life is not based around feelings! It's about BEING something... being saved by grace... being loved by God. Our feelings take a while to catch up with those realities.

How should I approach relationships?

Personally, I've had so much grief in the area of relationships that I really want to post something about what I've learnt (the hard way). I wrote yesterday about the importance of Christians not going out with non-Christians -I can testify that this never helps your faith, and leads you down some very sticky paths. But there has to be more to a Christian perspective on relationships than this 'don't go out with a non-Christian' principle. And there is!

We have such an opportunity in our romantic relationships to show the world how different we are, now that Jesus has changed our lives. Our most important relationship in the world is with Him, and He is always faithful and will never break our hearts! Hooray for that!

If you really want to treasure Christ above all other things, then whoever you go out with needs to help you love Jesus more. The only thing that really matters when you consider whether to go out with someone or not, is this: Do they love Jesus? Could I love them?

God is amazing. He created chemistry, and He brings people together for marriage who complement each other perfectly and completely click. I'm not saying that anyone should simply pick a Christian, any Christian, and ignore their attraction (or lack of it) to that person. What I'm saying is that it's a mistake to prioritize physical attraction above how much a person loves God and wants to please Him.

There are some great books on Christian relationships out there which I have read (see bottom of page for recommendations), and three principles have emerged from all of them:

1. Don’t date for fun.
The common idea in our culture that you need to ‘have fun’ while you’re young and have one-night stands, or kiss random people in clubs, or just go out with someone ‘casually’, is all extremely opposite to God’s standards in the Bible. God cares deeply about all people, and wants us to do the same. We should never ‘use’ people for physical pleasure, or to look good to our friends, or just to combat loneliness. 1 Corinthians 16:14 says ‘Do everything in love’, and chapter 13 defines love as patient, kind, not envying, not boasting, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, forgiving, not delighting in evil but in the truth, protective, trusting, hopeful and persevering. Therefore if Christians do have relationships, they are not to be shallow, but should follow the Bible’s definition of what real love is.

2. Guard your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” There is a powerful demonstration of the impact of relationships on a person’s life. Whenever you have a close romantic relationship, it’s like gluing two pieces of paper together. When the relationship breaks up, it’s like trying to tear those pieces of paper apart. It’s messy, and in real life, it’s a painful experience. This is why the world’s idea about having lots of relationships before finally ‘settling down’ is a bad one. It means that by the time they finish university, the majority of people have slept with a number of people, and had several romantic involvements. This gives people a lot of emotional ‘baggage’ which then creates issues when you do want to get married.

For Christian teenagers who are nowhere near ready to get married, it’s often wisest to guard your heart and not let yourself get too involved romantically with anyone. Be careful not to spend too much time alone with someone of the opposite sex, if they are not seeking to honour God in the way that they treat you.

If you really like someone, bring it to God in prayer and talk about it with someone at church. It’s always good to get wise advice about such things.

3. Be pure
'Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.' Philippians 4:8
In the way that you think about members of the opposite sex, be pure.
In the way that you act around members of the opposite sex, be pure.
In the way that you speak to members of the opposite sex, be pure.
Whether you're in a relationship or not, your thoughts and behaviour matter! God wants you to be absolutely spotless, and He has cleansed you through the blood of Jesus from all of your sins. Don't defy your new status as purified by God, by returning to the mud again.

Lust- wanting something that does not belong to you (usually in a sexual sense)- is a very pervasive sin. It can manifest itself in X-rated thoughts, in addictions to pornography, or in hungry kissing that leads on to more.

Do what Joseph did- run away from it! Don't give yourself any opportunity to fall. Don't have an internet connection in your bedroom. Don't be alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend in a room together with the door closed.

Do what Job did- make a covenant (promise) with your eyes, not to linger on people and treat them as objects. Avoid parts of a supermarket which stock men's magazines. Bounce your eyes away from unhelpful billboards. Look away from a cinema screen if there's an unexpected sex scene.

Pray and depend on God for strength to fight this sin in your life. It CAN be beaten through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If you're not accountable to anyone in your church, find a trusted Christian there who will ask you candid questions about how you're doing in this area, and ask them to pray for you. Don't think you're the only one who struggles with this. Everyone has some form of struggle with lust in their lifetime.

Below are some books I recommend which deal with this whole area:

Christians and non-Christians: NOT a match made in heaven

Relationships are funny things. They can dominate our thoughts and desires, they can bring us joy and companionship, they can destroy us. The quest for 'true love' for the Christian can be a bit of a minefield, with lots of casualties if wrong choices are made.

It's easy to feel that the Bible is very out-of-date on the whole issue of relationships, given that in Bible times, arranged marriage was the norm. Whilst arranged marriages are still happening today, mostly in Western culture we go about finding ourselves a spouse very differently. The 'dating game'.

How should Christians approach relationships? My main point for this post is:
Christians should desire to glorify God in their romantic relationships.

This may involve pain and heartache, it may mean walking away from someone you really care about. But the Bible makes one thing clear:
A Christian should not marry a non-Christian.

‘A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.’ 1 Corinthians 7:39

Paul in this chapter of Corinthians deals with some tricky marital situations. What do you do if you’re married, then you become a Christian? Paul says you should stay married. But if, as these verses show, that unbelieving spouse dies, the widow is free to marry, but this time it must be a Christian.

This principle therefore applies to all Christians who have a choice about who they marry (ie. They aren’t already married). It is wrong for a Christian to choose to marry a non-Christian.

Following logically on from this, it makes sense then that Christians should not go out with non-believers. You don’t just get married in our culture, you go out with someone first. If you want your spouse to be a Christian, then you need to make sure any potential spouse (ie. Girlfriend or boyfriend) is a Christian.

Why is this important?

1.Christians and non-Christians are fundamentally different.
The reason God says Christians and non-Christians should not marry is because marriage makes two people ‘one flesh’ (Genesis 2:24). A Christian is a new creation in Jesus Christ, and a non-Christian is still dead in their sins (see Ephesians 2 and Colossians 2). That doesn’t make for a good combination! 2 Corinthians 6:14 says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” In a relationship, whether you get married or not, you are saying ‘I want to be closer to this person than to my friends and family. I want to spend time with them, sharing who I am with them.’ That makes you vulnerable, as my next point discusses.

2.Christians are fighting a constant battle against sin.
There are many temptations in life (pride, selfishness, greed) which Christians have to constantly fight against. We’re in spiritual warfare (see Ephesians 6)! Therefore if you’re sharing your life intimately with someone, it needs to be someone who’s going to help you in that battle. Someone who will pray with you and for you to be the person God wants you to be. Someone who shares your faith and values. Someone who won’t be an added temptation, particularly in the area of lust. Even if the person you’re going out with agrees that they won’t have sex with you, they will not be looking to avoid temptation in the same way, and they will not have the power of the Holy Spirit to overcome temptation. Lust is a problem not just of physically messing up, but of mentally dwelling on unhelpful images, and you need to be ruthless in cutting it out of your mind. It is also worth saying that in the Christian life, is something isn’t actively helping you grow in faith and holiness, it is a hindrance. There’s no neutral ground. Even if your girlfriend isn’t pressuring you to go too far, if she isn’t pointing you towards Jesus, she’s holding you back. Hebrews 12:1 says ‘let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.’

FAQ: Surely I can help my non-Christian girlfriend to become a Christian by going out with her?
This is such a disaster zone. The Bible never never advocates this: it is the work of the Holy Spirit alone to convert people, and it’s our job to tell them the good news. You don’t need to be going out with someone to do this! In fact, it actually becomes a hindrance, because you are a better witness for Jesus when you show to someone that you value Him more than any other living being –more than a girl you really like who likes you back. However good your intentions are, that person will always be aware of the fact that you wish they were a Christian. They are not ‘good enough’. And more often than not, going out with a non-Christian makes the Christian get lukewarm and tepid rather than firing up the unbeliever into faith. Even if the unbeliever declares their faith, it is often more to do with their believing partner than with them and God. When someone’s faith is dependent upon a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, this is not a solid foundation and when something goes wrong with the relationship, their faith often does not stand up to the pressure.
If you go out with someone who isn’t a Christian, what do you do when they don’t convert? How long do you wait for this to happen? By then you may be so involved with them that you end up marrying them. In the everyday intimacy of marriage, life becomes extremely difficult if you do not have the same foundation of faith to live by. Put two sinners together and you’re always going to have problems. Two Christians who are married at least have the Holy Spirit to help them through, and have placed their ultimate satisfaction in Jesus rather than each other. This is the greatest basis for a successful marriage.

Why is it important to love Jesus more? (Col 2)

Ever felt taken for granted? Like when the first light-headed months of romance are over, and your boyfriend stops buying you flowers?

We all need to keep our relationships going (whether romantic or just friendship), because we know from experience that as soon as we stop bothering to phone someone up, or do something special for them, that the relationship will suffer. As people, we are constantly moving and changing, and if we don't make the effort to counteract this, our relationships will soon drift apart.

'A successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day' -Andre Maurois.

This quote speaks truth! When things start going wrong in a relationship, it's often not because anything is wrong with the people involved, just that they have stopped communicating effectively.

Why should it be any different with Jesus?

He is perfect, He is faithful... but we are imperfect and faithless. We easily drift away from Him, being distracted by other things. It is one thing to come to know Jesus as your Saviour. It is quite another to keep on growing in love for Him and staying faithful to Him all your days. That's the test of true faith- it's not about conversion, it's about finishing the race still wearing the banner!

In Colossians 2, Paul says that 'just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness' (6-7). When you first come to know and love Jesus, this should not become a static or detached emotion, or a remote part of your life. You must CONTINUE to live in Him, growing in faith and love for Him, and growing in thankfulness as you grow in understanding what He has done for you.

'See to it that no-one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ' (8). It is very easy to get a distorted view of Jesus from the messages and opinions that the world gives. If we don't continue to read the Bible and pray and know Jesus for ourselves, wrong ideas can easily get a foothold in our thinking, such as 'Jesus would never condemn anyone', or 'It's not that important that He rose from the dead' or subtle teachings that we can earn our own salvation by being good. But the gospels show a Jesus who is passionate and truthful, uncompromising in telling men that if they do not accept Him they will be condemned (Jn 3:18). The New Testament writers emphasise that if Christ is not risen, then our faith is futile and we are fools (1 Cor 15). And any teaching that says we can earn favour in God's sight through our own endeavours undermines the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us as a nice but pointless gesture.

'You have been given fulness in Christ' (10) It's all in Him! Our sinful nature was cut off (circumcised) through His death, and we were raised with Him through faith to a new life (11-12). We were dead in sins (13)- there was no way we could please God ourselves- but God made us alive with Christ, forgiving us all our sins (13). The OT law, which condemns all for no one can completely obey it, was nailed to the cross of Jesus, the One who DID completely obey it (14). God silenced the claim of justice against us, all through His Son's willing sacrifice. That helps us love Jesus more, to know that the voice in court demanding our death penalty, has been silenced and satisfied for ever if we appeal to Jesus.

Jesus triumphed over all demonic powers on the cross (15)- we too can triumph over hell by clinging to Him.