Recently I posted a series of articles on Christian attitudes to dating and relationships, including the principle that Christians should not go out with, or marry, a non-Christian.
But what happens if you become a Christian AFTER marriage? Or what if you DID marry a non-Christian? Perhaps you know a Christian who is married to a non-believer. What help can you give?
Well I'd like to recommend John Dickson's 'Promoting the Gospel'. I found this book, which covers evangelism in all areas of life, particularly enlightening on the subject of mixed faith marriages. He looks at 1 Peter 3:1-2:
'Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.'
This is what he says:
'Peter plainly says that people can be won to Christianity through behaviour. Am I saying that faith in Christ can come about without hearing the gospel? No... people cannot put their faith in Jesus without first learning the gospel about him. However, this does not mean that hearing the gospel is the only cause of faith...
Peter's words in 1 Peter 3:1-2 are not intended as a "let-off" for those who are shy about Christ, but as an encouragement to those who find themselves in situations in which speaking about the Faith is difficult or inappropriate. The marriage relationship (the specific context of Peter's words) is a classic example...
[Be reassured that] the Lord of the harvest can win over our loved ones without a word (from you) by the power of a godly life.' (p100-101)
In other words, if your spouse is not a Christian, you need to:
1. Pray for them to be saved.
2. Continue as a Christian yourself- keep going to church and join a small group, or find a Christian friend of the same sex as you who you can meet up with for prayer and support. Don't struggle alone- get help! Finding someone else in the same situation could be really helpful for both of you (again same sex as you applies).
3. Live a God-honouring life before them, to point them towards Jesus.
4. Share the gospel with them when the opportunity arises, in a gentle and respectful way.
5. Don't nag them!
6. Guard yourself against lust and jealousy for Christian marriages in your church. Pray against discontentment. God has put you in this situation for a reason, to teach you new things, and He is in control. He works everything for the good of those who love Him, so trust that He knows what He's doing (Rom 8:28).
1 Corinthians 7 is really relevant to this situation:
'If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.'
In Corinth, people were becoming Christians, and then divorcing their unbelieving spouses. Paul says this is wrong! God is a God of faithfulness, who hates divorce. That is never what He wants you to do. Instead, God 'sanctifies' the unbelieving spouse- in other words, God makes special provision for His children who are married to unbelievers. He does not automatically convert the spouse, but He blesses the children of a mixed faith marriage.
Of course, this passage is not a justification for Christians, who have the choice of who they marry, to marry non-Christians. The question 'how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?' is a verse of encouragement to those in a very difficult situation, not a mandate to enter this situation. Paul makes it clear in this very chapter that if a Christian has the choice of whom they marry, they should definitely marry another Christian (v39). The whole point about retaining the place in life to which God has called you simply means that you can't get out of your marriage bond when you become a Christian.
Being a Christian married to a non-Christian is very tough, and no Christian should ever willingly choose this situation. But, as I can testify from witnessing it with my own eyes, God can certainly bring much blessing to those who seek to remain faithful to Him within a mixed faith marriage. The church needs to be particularly pro-active in supporting these marriages, particularly the Christian spouse, who can easily become isolated. Churches also need to be aware that a Christian married to a non-Christian will have to be sensitive to the needs of their spouse, which may mean a reduced involvement in serving in church life. If you are a Christian who is supporting a friend in a mixed faith marriage, or you are in a mixed faith marriage, keep praying for God to give you wisdom. I'd very much appreciate any comments you can make to share from your own experiences. May the Lord bless you!