Walking through grief

'But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice'
(Selah, 'I will carry you')

I've been reading the book of Jeremiah, and what's really striking me is the way that this prophet faithfully witnessed for forty years when virtually no one listened, and went through the catastrophic events of the fall of Jerusalem. He walked through a long time of great sorrow. He wept for the state of his nation and his people. They were rebellious, yet he identified with them. He did not distance himself and shut off his emotions, even though that would have been easier, because he shared God's heart for His broken and faithless people.

Grief and sorrow are hard to bear. Recently I lost my nan, and last July I had a miscarriage. These two experiences of grief have been really different for me, but in both situations I have found it hard to grieve. I have not found myself to be particularly articulate about it, or to understand it, or to find much of anything tangible in it. That's why the lyric I quoted about silence for me really sums up the whole experience. Through miscarriage particularly, I felt a heavy silence. I had no words to talk about it and few to pray about it, but I did hear His voice in certain ways through that time, reassuring me of His presence even though I did not always feel that He was close by.

This verse really struck me today:

'Thus says the LORD: "Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in all the earth."' Jeremiah 9:23-24

Grief decisively breaks through all of my so-called wisdom and all of my supposed strength. My riches -possessions, accomplishments- mean nothing when faced with death. But as I am stripped bare and faced with my own inadequacy, I am compelled towards God's sufficiency and grace. He is 'the LORD'. I know that my suffering is not meaningless, because He is a God of 'love, justice, and righteousness'. He doesn't always stop the path from being dark, but He gives me assurance that there will be light at the end.

The most valuable aspect of grief, for me, is that it rocks my world and fractures me away from thinking this is my home and my resting place. It reminds me, with a harsh jolt, that life is full of pain because we have been dislocated from our God through sin. And I get a tiny glimpse of the grief the Father's heart endures when He sees His children suffering through their own rebellion, and ultimately the suffering Christ had to endure to redeem us from this state of dislocation. I think generally, I am way too focused on the here and now. Most of my grief for my miscarried baby centred around the fact that I was never going to be able to do all the things I expected I was going to be able to do: experience a full term pregnancy, give birth to a healthy child, take the baby home, and so on into the future. That's a legitimate reason for grief. But the hope of the New Testament is in the new creation that Christ will bring when He returns, the world put right again, where suffering and death are no more and He wipes every tear from our eyes. My grief made me long for that new creation in a way that I probably should be longing for it all the time; I just don't think about it enough. I get too distracted in the busy-ness of everyday life. Grief forces me to stop.

The story behind Selah's song 'I will carry you' is movingly recorded in an interview with Angie Smith, available on Revive our Hearts.com. Her baby Audrey Caroline had abnormalities with her kidneys and heart, and only lived for 2.5 hours after she was born. When I come across stories like this, part of me shrinks away and doesn't want to hear about it. I'd rather lose myself in a novel or watching a romantic comedy. But Jeremiah has challenged me: is this a godly response to the suffering that is all around us in this broken world? No, it isn't. If we're ever going to get a glimpse of God's heart, it's going to be in sharing these stories of brokenness with the rock-solid hope of Christ, as Angie testifies.

Angie calls for women to break the silence and share their experiences of miscarriage and losing a baby, because too many women out there suffer in silence. Walking through grief is often lonely, and there are times when it just has to be you and God. But reaching out to others, sharing your grief and sorrow, is a necessary part of the healing process and why God has placed us in the loving community that is the Church. We are urged to 'Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn' (Romans 12:15), which beautifully and succinctly sums up the paradox of life in Christ here on earth. We have a bittersweet mix of joy and sadness in our lives, but we know that ultimately, our sadness is temporal; our joy is eternal.

'For his anger is but for a moment, and his favour is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.' Ps 30:5

Esther

I've been reading the book of Esther recently, and I always feel challenged to actually think about it and not just race through the story (which is pretty gripping). I don't think it's a particularly easy book for Christians to read and respond to, but it is there in the Bible for a reason! I was reading some articles about it and I thought I'd briefly post on some ideas for how to receive and apply the book.

1. Esther is a heroine, but not always an ideal one.
I have felt uncomfortable before with books or speakers who, in their quest to find examples of female heroines in the Bible, use Esther as a prime example. They often draw on her courage -which is definitely one of her strong points- and hail her as a hero of faith -something a little less clear in the book itself. She calls a fast, which implicitly would link with prayer, but she doesn't explicitly talk about God or give Him credit when the Jews are delivered (at least, not that is recorded in the book). This would contrast with someone like Deborah in the book of Judges, or Miriam in Exodus 15, who both give songs of praise to God for delivering His people. The events of the book -a great aversion of tragedy- should give rise to the same kind of praise as these previous events in Israel's history. The people celebrate with a feast (still kept today in Judaism), but the reader is left to draw his or her own conclusions about the events the book so meticulously describes.

I think the situation of Esther is certainly an unorthodox one. She is living in exile and to become part of the king's harem, eventually his queen, perhaps seems to be taking 'assimilation' too far. The book of Daniel really emphasises his desire to keep himself separate from the corrupt pagan practices around him; we don't see this in Esther. However, it does seem that God put Esther in her position of power at a key time so that she could intervene to save the Jews from destruction: 'And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?' (4:14) She has to put her own life in danger in order to make her request of the king, and she doesn't let her fear hold her back. Where did this courage come from? Surely it must have come from some amount of faith that the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob would not let His covenant people, despite being in exile for their disobedience, be annihilated? Esther is certainly the heroine of the story, not always an ideal one, but she does act in courage and (implicit) faith.

2. God is the hero!
Although God's name is never mentioned in the book, God is the hero of the story. So many elements, the events that took place, were outside human control... but not beyond divine intervention. It seems that the whole time, God is providentially watching over His children, and no power against them can stand. There isn't really any other explanation for how the deliverance of the Jews could happen, as there are so many 'co-incidences' or chance meetings which end up being crucial for the saving of God's people. This is, I think, the main way to apply the book today: trust in God's sovereignty over every event, situation in life, and take responsibility to act with courage and initiative when circumstances require it. Barry Webb writes:

'In particular, the hiddenness of God that we find in Esther mirrors the world many of us live in today... the absence of the miraculous does not mean the absence of God. He remains committed to the welfare of His people, and works all things for their good, even when He is most hidden.' ('Five Festal Garments' p131).

Noah, a preacher of righteousness

With the recent film release of 'Noah', it seems like our attention is being drawn again to the account in Genesis of the Flood. The film, with obvious film-makers' poetic license, explores what this epic event in human history may have looked like (or, from the director's perspective, imagines how a myth would have looked in reality). I was thinking a few months ago about Noah as I was reading through Genesis, and thinking through what we are meant to make of him and the story of God decisively acting to wipe out every living creature except those on the ark - essentially, to bring chaos and de-create what was created, ready for a new beginning solidified in the call of Abram in Genesis 12. The great thing about the Bible is that it offers its own commentary on these events, and 2 Peter 2 is really helpful in thinking over Genesis 6-9. Peter is looking ahead towards the future judgement that will come upon the false teachers who have been plaguing the church, and he draws upon several accounts in Genesis to illustrate his point that 'the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment.' (v9) In mentioning the Flood, Peter says that God 'protected Noah, a preacher of righteousness' (v5). So let's unpack exactly what that might mean, and then think about how it applies to us today.

1. Noah knew God was righteous
To be a 'preacher of righteousness', Noah would have had to have known that it is a key aspect of God's character and very nature and being. Genesis 6:9 says that 'Noah was a righteous man, blameless among the people of his time, and he walked faithfully with God.' The last clause of that verse, that he walked faithfully with God, is not detachable in meaning from the description of Noah as righteous; they are intrinsically linked. It wasn't that Noah was a decent guy, so God decided to save him and his family. Noah knew God, and although we aren't given much detail as to how he related to God on a daily basis or how he knew what he knew about God, we can surmise that God had revealed something of His character and heart to Noah. God had shared His hatred of sin and His plan to destroy His creation with Noah, but He had also shared a promise to establish His covenant with Noah and save him and his family. (see Genesis 6:11-21). As a result, Noah knew God was a righteous God. He must have known about God's role as Creator and sustainer of the whole earth, and therefore God's power to destroy it as well. He must also have known that God would never lie but always keep His word. His knowledge of these truths resulted in his obedience when God told him to build an ark. He acted in faith, because he knew God was righteous and would keep His promise to save him.

2. Noah knew God's righteousness meant impending judgement
As a necessary consequence of God's righteousness, He has to judge sin. Noah warned his generation that there was a God who saw their sin and was imminently about to bring cataclysmic judgement upon the whole earth. The fact that only 8 people were saved on the ark was not due to a lack of mercy on God's part, but of humanity's stubborn refusal to repent and believe. The description of Noah as a 'preacher of righteousness' encapsulates what it must have meant to be someone living in such a fallen world, with the certain knowledge of God's coming judgement, and to have a godly desire to see men saved. The film has been criticised for showing Noah to be increasingly vindictive against humanity, more concerned about saving animals than men's souls. I don't think that can match up with the biblical description of this righteous man.

3. Noah lived a righteous life of faith
Noah's own righteousness came by his faith and the way that he lived his faith out. He found grace in the eyes of the Lord and God gave him the privilege of His covenant and of being the father of all future generations. It must have been a fearful thing to be on the ark, knowing you were the only survivors of a world-wide catastrophe. Perhaps Noah and his family heard the people outside the ark perishing, who once scoffed at what he was doing. Perhaps there was also an element o relief, that all the ungodly enemies of God, who would have been enemies to Noah too, were now destroyed.
Noah was human and flawed as his drunkenness after the Flood shows, but still he demonstrated a life of faith, which made him righteous in God's eyes.

How can we be preachers of righteousness?
As Christian believers, we have a fuller revelation of God's righteousness and the righteousness that is ours by faith: in Jesus Christ. In Christ we see God-in-flesh, His holiness lived out perfectly in human form. On the cross we see the righteousness of God punishing sin, and the righteousness of Christ as the innocent, perfect sacrifice. If we are in Christ, our sins have been dealt with, the penalty has been paid, and His righteousness is credited to our account (2 Cor 5:21).
In our generation, we see evil and wickedness just as Noah did- perhaps with some new outlets due to modern technology. Pornography and sexual immorality are facts of modern society which have escalated far beyond control, to the growing anxiety of politicians. We have saved thousands of childrens' lives through vaccinations and medical advances, yet we kill 500 unborn children every day through abortion. Our generation needs to hear the truth about God's righteousness and the coming Day of judgement when Christ will return. They will only be saved from an eternity in hell if they repent and believe the gospel of Christ. Are we boldly proclaiming this word of truth? And are we modelling in our lives the righteousness of a life of faith, as we seek to imitate Christ? There is much challenge in the story of Noah, this hero of faith, and perhaps this element of challenge gets overlooked because we are too busy fussing about the historicity of the account and the hows and whys of the earth being deluged. Let's not get distracted from the main point: Noah was a preacher of righteousness. We should be too!