I've met a lot of people with estrangements in their family, a relative they haven't spoken to for years. Some almost seem proud of it. And I'm no stranger to having that kind of situation. My parents divorced when I was a toddler and since he remarried, I've hardly seen my Dad despite him living a short drive away. It's a situation with a lot of hurt. But time and again, when I've been tempted to stop bothering to send cards for birthdays and Christmas or other occasions, when I've been tempted to be indifferent and stop caring, God has done something to show me that I have to keep loving, and keep forgiving.
For many years I have prayed about being able to forgive my Dad. And there's times when I feel it's fine; I do forgive him. But there's also times when the deep, deep hurt is dragged up again. It still makes me cry. And I think, have I really forgiven? I have to keep taking it back to God, to my heavenly Father, again and again.
I was struck by an article on Revive our Hearts today about this very issue. The speaker had a similarly estranged relationship with her father. He didn't ask her for forgiveness, but she knew she had to forgive him anyway. She mentioned 1 Corinthians 13: love 'keeps no record of wrongs... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.' (NIV) In the ESV it says 'Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.' (v7) To show the kind of love God has shown us towards others will require this kind of faith and perseverance, even with people who have deeply hurt us and are difficult to love. Whenever I think I may as well give up on my relationship with my Dad, this verse encourages me to keep going, to keep loving, because this will glorify my heavenly Father. As Ney Bailey says, 'we're most like Christ when we're forgiving.'
Ultimately I have to get the right perspective. Too often I feel it is my 'right' to have a certain kind of earthly father; the reality is that I have a heavenly One who is perfect. No one has a perfect earthly dad. And I have been very blessed in that my step-dad has always been a father to me; his family have always loved me and accepted me; God has more than compensated for this one breached relationship in my family by providing me with so many other loving people in my life. And I have to have faith when I pray for my Dad that God can still save him and still restore our relationship; He is the God of reconciliation.
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