Helping Christians who are married to non-Christians

Recently I posted a series of articles on Christian attitudes to dating and relationships, including the principle that Christians should not go out with, or marry, a non-Christian.

But what happens if you become a Christian AFTER marriage? Or what if you DID marry a non-Christian? Perhaps you know a Christian who is married to a non-believer. What help can you give?

Well I'd like to recommend John Dickson's 'Promoting the Gospel'. I found this book, which covers evangelism in all areas of life, particularly enlightening on the subject of mixed faith marriages. He looks at 1 Peter 3:1-2:
'Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.'

This is what he says:
'Peter plainly says that people can be won to Christianity through behaviour. Am I saying that faith in Christ can come about without hearing the gospel? No... people cannot put their faith in Jesus without first learning the gospel about him. However, this does not mean that hearing the gospel is the only cause of faith...
Peter's words in 1 Peter 3:1-2 are not intended as a "let-off" for those who are shy about Christ, but as an encouragement to those who find themselves in situations in which speaking about the Faith is difficult or inappropriate. The marriage relationship (the specific context of Peter's words) is a classic example...
[Be reassured that] the Lord of the harvest can win over our loved ones without a word (from you) by the power of a godly life.' (p100-101)

In other words, if your spouse is not a Christian, you need to:
1. Pray for them to be saved.
2. Continue as a Christian yourself- keep going to church and join a small group, or find a Christian friend of the same sex as you who you can meet up with for prayer and support. Don't struggle alone- get help! Finding someone else in the same situation could be really helpful for both of you (again same sex as you applies).
3. Live a God-honouring life before them, to point them towards Jesus.
4. Share the gospel with them when the opportunity arises, in a gentle and respectful way.
5. Don't nag them!
6. Guard yourself against lust and jealousy for Christian marriages in your church. Pray against discontentment. God has put you in this situation for a reason, to teach you new things, and He is in control. He works everything for the good of those who love Him, so trust that He knows what He's doing (Rom 8:28).

1 Corinthians 7 is really relevant to this situation:
'If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and to which God has called him.'

In Corinth, people were becoming Christians, and then divorcing their unbelieving spouses. Paul says this is wrong! God is a God of faithfulness, who hates divorce. That is never what He wants you to do. Instead, God 'sanctifies' the unbelieving spouse- in other words, God makes special provision for His children who are married to unbelievers. He does not automatically convert the spouse, but He blesses the children of a mixed faith marriage.

Of course, this passage is not a justification for Christians, who have the choice of who they marry, to marry non-Christians. The question 'how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?' is a verse of encouragement to those in a very difficult situation, not a mandate to enter this situation. Paul makes it clear in this very chapter that if a Christian has the choice of whom they marry, they should definitely marry another Christian (v39). The whole point about retaining the place in life to which God has called you simply means that you can't get out of your marriage bond when you become a Christian.

Being a Christian married to a non-Christian is very tough, and no Christian should ever willingly choose this situation. But, as I can testify from witnessing it with my own eyes, God can certainly bring much blessing to those who seek to remain faithful to Him within a mixed faith marriage. The church needs to be particularly pro-active in supporting these marriages, particularly the Christian spouse, who can easily become isolated. Churches also need to be aware that a Christian married to a non-Christian will have to be sensitive to the needs of their spouse, which may mean a reduced involvement in serving in church life. If you are a Christian who is supporting a friend in a mixed faith marriage, or you are in a mixed faith marriage, keep praying for God to give you wisdom. I'd very much appreciate any comments you can make to share from your own experiences. May the Lord bless you!

How can I trust the Bible? #1

The Bible was written millennia ago and is translated from the original languages. There must be some element of human error within its pages.

Have you ever thought this? Or maybe been told this by someone else?

The trustworthiness of the Bible is really crucial -not only for my blog, which is based on what the Bible says, but it has huge implications for our lives.

My blog is called 'Treasuring Christ', and there is absolutely no reason why anyone should base their whole life around doing this, unless the Bible is true.

The reason that I treasure Jesus, is because the Bible teaches me that:
1. I'm separated from God by my sin
2. I've been rescued out of this separation by Jesus' death on the cross
3. I now have a place in heaven because of what Jesus has done for me

If you can identify with these three things, I'm sure you'll agree that it's essential to be able to show other people why you believe in Jesus. If you can't identify with these three things, I'm sure you're wondering why or how I can believe them. The reliability of the Bible is a key element in this discussion.

Contrary to popular opinion, the Bible far outweighs any other historical document in terms of reliability, as the table below shows:

Ancient Manuscript Date Earliest Copy No of Copies
Julius Caesar- Gallic Wars 100-44 BC 900 AD 10
Tacitus- Annals of Roman History100 AD 1100 AD 20
Plato- Tetralogies 427-347 BC 900 AD 7
Sophocles 496-406 BC 1000 AD 100
Aristotle 384-322 BC 1100 AD 5
New Testament c. 50 AD 130 AD 24, 633


We do not question the reliability of the works of Caesar, Plato and Aristotle, and yet we question the Bible when the statistics are far ahead in favour of it.

In 1947 the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered, after being preserved for 1900 years. The text of Isaiah in the scrolls and in a text written 1000 years previously, only 17 letters were different- and these were mere spelling errors. No substantial changes had occurred, and the meaning was not affected. This testifies to the incredible accuracy of the Bible manuscripts. As a matter of fact, when copying Scriptures the Jews had very strict rules to abide to, such as:
The breadth of the column had to be 30 letters, length 48-60 lines
No word, letter or even a yod was to be written from memory
Only authentic copies were to be used as an exemplar
No one should take any notice of even a king when writing God's Name.

There are many more rules, and what they amounted to was not only incredible accuracy in copying, but exact spacing, so that they could instantly tell if the copy was incorrect, and if it was it would be rejected.

I thoroughly recommend this book by Amy Orr-Ewing if you have further questions about this:

How can I change my feelings?

I've been posting recently about relationships. I know this is a really tough area of life for many Christians (I certainly found it so, before I got married). I thought I'd use this post to deal with the whole issue of Christians falling in love with non-Christians. I know what it's like, because I've done it myself, but the way I dealt with it was pretty rubbish. I'd love to encourage you not to make the same mistakes.

So, the situation could be that you're a Christian, you're at school or at work, surrounded by non-Christians. At your church, there's a lack of people your own age of the opposite sex. In your daily environment, you're developing friendships with people naturally, through spending time with them, and gradually you notice yourself feeling something more than friendship for one of the guys/girls you know.

What do you do?

Well in practice there's several options:
1. You let things develop and you go out with this person.
2. You sit on the fence, telling the person that you can't go out with them, but you don't make any effort to avoid them or end the friendship. Things kind of hang around in the air uncomfortably- and something might happen.
3. You back off.

What are the consequences of these various courses of action?
With (1), you could end up marrying them, or break up with them. Neither of these options are very desirable. With marrying them, you might have 'followed your heart' but you won't have treasured Christ above the relationship. Your faith will probably suffer. By breaking up with them, it'll probably be really difficult and you'll both feel hurt and unhappy. During the relationship, you could also have made mistakes and gone too far. That's an added pain.

With (2), your witness as a Christian is not going to be that of a shining star (see Philippians 2:15). You run the risk of being flirtatious and leading someone on, which is cruel and unfair, and also of something happening unexpectedly due to the build-up of tension. If you've decided not to go out with someone, you need to make it clear by following through with your conduct... and this involves backing off.

With (3), it's definitely not going to be easy. You have to go against your feelings, and there may be some awkwardness with friendship groups and where you hang out etc. But (3) is the best option if you want to put Jesus first. (3) is the only option which makes it clear to the other person that you've made a decision that you're going to stick by. (3) is the only option in which people can see that Jesus means more to you than anything else... even your feelings. (3) is an option where God will be faithful, and help you through the pain and difficulty, because you're doing it to honour Him.

If you do choose (3), I strongly recommend that you get someone on board to help you. Find a trustworthy person at church, tell them about the situation, and ask them to pray for you. With their help and encouragement, you can get through it.

And believe it or not, you will find that your feelings follow your decision. It may take a while, but this is not the only area of life in which you shouldn't let your feelings dictate your actions. The Christian life is not based around feelings! It's about BEING something... being saved by grace... being loved by God. Our feelings take a while to catch up with those realities.